Your spouse may be a click away!

I know, I know. Everything is fair in love and war, and everything HAS to be fair in the Indian marriage market -- which btw, is getting high tech and riding the DotCom Bubble ver 2.0 -- but this, simply takes the cake, the pandal, the jaimaal, and all the brouhaha along with it!

Even though it comes from the house of our resident tabloid (some like to call it The Slimes of India), it's surprising! First of all, how can you ever... possibly... even remotely... think of a URL called SimplyMarry.com! I mean, what the hell is it supposed to be? Buying pet food online?

And for all those losers who're simply dying for something to "click" in their lives, the marketing department has come up with the perfect line, "Simple Search - Your spouse may be a mouse click away." As Amit Varma would say -- "Happiness Explodes!"


And to prove that they're not just another run-of-the-mill matrimony site who woke up too late for the DotCom marriage party (or reception!), they actually have a section called "Success Stories!" Will I get a refund if I have a divorce within three months? What about a replacement guarantee?

Oh, and just cuz I want to nitpick, their site SUCKS! I mean, apart from the fact that I hate this online marriage shit, it technically sucks. It got caught into an infinite javascript popup loop while I was registering. Check out the screenshot for a proof -- the goddamn error just didn't go away!


And to nitpick even further, why does the profile creation form force me to enter my body type and complexion!


Anyways, I sincerely want to thank the folks there at Bennett, Coleman & Co. Ltd. for coming up with stuff like this. It made my day. Seriously.

Of (un)clothing and weird orgies!

From our resident tabloid:

Vatican defrocks priests for sex abuse

Am I the only one who sees humour in this, or what?!

Blah blah!

At least that's what Yatra seems to think of it's partners!



Just hover your mouse over the scrolling Flash unit at the bottom of their webpage -- my mouse pointer seems to have been left out by the screen capturing tool :|

I hope they don't think the same about their customers too :P

Note: This seems to work only with Firefox -- probably that's why they put that "Best viewed in IE 5.5 or higher" disclaimer down there :)

Bad zoke :)

Q: What is an Australian called in Bangalore?
A: Kangaluroo

HAR! HAR HAR!

WTF?

The screenshot says it all! And they actually have a Top-10 for this topic! Though I wonder who "Khala " is?!

My Dream Phone!

I've never cared much about phones -- I always picked the one which had the least number of buttons, was the sturdiest, and was from Nokia (that's because of the guaranteed amazing battery backup and omnipresence of Nokia chargers)!

For a long time I had the Nokia 1100 -- the "Made In India" phone! And I absolutely loved its usability.

One button to access them all,
One button to find them,
One button to do all the stuff,
And in usability bind them :)

But then I had to shift over to Reliance to get a RIM-to-RIM free pack, and it went downhill from there. Not even a single phone was good enough. I picked the least of all evils -- the Nokia 2112. But I still wonder why would Nokia, the only company that had got its phone UI right, go back and screw it all up! Who the fuck needs the "receive call" and "disconnect call" buttons -- you know the stupid red and green buttons on all phones. From 3 clicks to send an SMS in the 1100, I now need 7 clicks through a cluttered and complicated menu to be able to send a single message!

So, I've never cared much about phones, until today -- the FIC Neo1973 has me all worked up! No MotoRazrs, MotoPEBL, Nokia SOME_RANDOM_NUMBER_HERE, Sony Ericsson's, and what have you have ever excited me as much as this phone does! An open Linux phone with GPRS. Apt-get style software updates. Open SDK. The power to tinker and write your own apps. The power to install hundreds of existing Linux apps. The power to change the UI if it sucks! Wow -- the possibilites are endless!

Can't wait to get my hands on one! Though I wonder how it would feel to dial a number using a touchscreen and not a keypad -- receiving/making calls while having food, washing hands, etc. is out of the window, I guess!

And I love the presentation that Sean Moss-Pultz (the creator of the phone) gave at the "Open Souce in Mobile" conference in Amsterdam. The power of simplicity!

That's what the phone looks like. A little on the unusal side, I must say -- but for all the phone narcissists out there -- it will make everyone take a second look at your latest "tool"!


The phone is called FIC Neo1973 but the software platform is called OpenMoko. The OpenMoko dialer.


The OpenMoko menu.

Privacy in India, Rediff, and seemingly interesting issues

From a Rediff Article -- it talks about how the Indian police and government treat the privacy of Indian citizens and how, as an Indian e-mail provider, Rediff has to deal with it.

"Government will cancel your licence if you don't comply with these police requests," he said finally. I was astounded. Here was I, hoping for a morally and hopefully legally defensible resolution to our dilemma and what we were getting was "practical" advice. "Our business does not depend on any government licences," I finally managed to blurt out.

Seeing the disappointed look on our faces, he leafed through his papers again. "You see, the law that governs this kind of case, the Indian Telegraph Act, 1885, was enacted with the shadow of the 1857 'mutiny' still over the Raj government, and is really an instrument to control such events rather than to govern the evolution of an industry. There is nothing you can do but comply if the request comes with the proper authorisation."

Which brings me to a couple of interesting questions:

• In case I'm under surveillance and the investigating agency has proper "search warrents" can it order me to decrypt my PGP (choose your favourite encryption mechanism here) data with my private key? What if I delete my private key or claim that I lost it? Compare it with a real world analogy -- if they ask me to unlock a physical safe, and I claim to have lost the key, they can break down the locks. What in the case of encrypted data?


• Is Rediff trying to "do a Google"? I remember reading a lot of blog posts on the Official Google Blog about their stand in the case where the US government wanted search query logs to track down "child porn".


• Is there a free webmail solution where all my mail is encrypted and the private key is with me alone? Decryption is done on the fly? I'm sure it can't be done without a browser plugin.

Innovation in Google Text Ads

Nice way to attract attention of the right kind of audience!

SpiceJet fighting cyber terror!

I hope their in-flight security is not as tight as their "web security" -- LOL!

New high or new low?

I guess I'm astronomically late in getting to know about the bandwagon, but I noticed an ad in the Gomantak Times (for those of you who don't know -- that's one of the leading English dailies in Goa -- OMG!). The ad was about the ill effects of smoking and how to lead a tobacco free life and pointed you to the URL www.LowTobacLife.com. And just below that it said "A website on gadgets & gizmos, haute couture, books, lifestyle products, etc." WTF?!

A friend at office told me that it was a new form of surrogate advertising by ITC. A little googling led me to the Global Tobacco Control website, which claims that it actually is a new cigarette brand which causes no harm!

I don't know which is true, but (a) it's a fucking intelligent way to go surrogate and (b) it's a mean kick below the belt!

Look up!

It is seldom that one smiles at Indian airports -- especially Delhi. Yesterday was one such rare instance. While waiting for my luggage (which was a very long wait, btw) I happened to notice a long banner hung up very high:

You'll always look up to the Delhi Airport
The ceilings is getting repaired!

And I couldn't help but look up at the ceiling and smile to myself :)

I've noticed quite a few lively banners and notices put up by GMR (the controversial company which outsed Reliance for the airport renovation bid). Really nice PR from a company that will mostly be viewed as a nuisance by passenger -- broken toilets, cramped up passages, closed pathways, etc.

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna: Picture Review

Linus Does It Again!

Check out some of the one-liners this guy comes up with... from a recent CNN interview:

CNN: Now you are something of a rock star in tech circles...
Linus: I don't notice that in normal life. I don't actually go to that many conferences. I do that a couple of times a year. Normally I am not recognized, people don't throw their panties at me. I'm a perfectly normal person sitting in my den just doing my job.

:-)

Yeh Jeena Bhi Koi Jeena Hai Lallu...

That's exactly how I felt after my recent trip to Mumbai. It's not that it was my maiden trip to the city -- I've been there a number of times before. But I've been mostly confined within my hotel room in VT during the night, and within my client's office during the day.

It was only during this trip that I ventured away from what is called the "town side". I was putting up at Malad at a friend's place. And was visiting Andheri during office hours, shopping at InOrbit Mall and Bandra during whatever free time I had. And I've never seen so many people every-fucking-where. There was not even a single place where the people-to-floorspace ratio was relatively less. Every place was as crowded as the other.

It was a mad house. For two continuous days I had a headache because of the humid heat and the constant noise of traffic.

What's the use of earning a package of 7 lakhs plus, in a city like this when you end up spending 7,000 for a measly little room which you don't even feel like calling a home! It looks more like a prison cell with the iron grills jutting out of the holes in the walls people like to call "windows"!

What's the use of earning so much when every day of your life you have to leave home at six in the morning cuz it takes two hours to train-hop and reach your office? Covered in someone else's sweat!

What's the use of living like insects crawling, fighting, jostling for space every living moment of your life?

The Train to Hell

I was in Mumbai over the weekend. I had to board a bus from Bandra at 9:00 PM back to Goa. So I boarded a fast local from Church Gate to Bandra at about 8:00 PM. And that was the biggest mistake of my life!

I was smug about getting a seat at Church Gate and had a HUGE bag which was kept on one of the overhead racks. Bandra was about five or six stops away, so I was busy SMSing people left, right, and center.

The train stopped at Dadar.

"Bandra next station hai kya?"

"Haan. Aapko utarna hai kya?"

"Haan"

"To aap baithe kyun hue hain yahaan. Nikalna shuru kariye warna utar nahin paayenge"

I got up -- my bum was not even an inch away from the seat and poof -- someone else's butt was warming the wooden plank. I managed to pull my bag from the overhead rack... and that's all I managed to do. I was stuck! Literally stuck!

"Arre itna bada bag lekar kahaan chad gaye"

"Bhai sahab kahaan utarna hai aapko"

"Bhaiyya Bandra utarna hai"

"Arre toh dhakka maaro -- aise nahin utar paoge Bandra"

Shoving and heaving my way from out of the sitting area to the area right in front of the door I realized what I had just done. I had moved from an area with a packing fraction of 0.99 to an area with a packing fraction of 1.00!

Suddenly everyone in the compartment knew that there's an idiot with a huge bag on his head who was supposed to get off at Bandra and who still hasn't reached the door. Can you beat it -- I was just three feet away from the door!

"Bhai sahab -- so rahe the kya abhi tak, pehle utarna shuru karna chahiye tha na!"

Everyone around me was trying to inch me closer to the door. It's not like people were not trying -- but no one could fucking move! No one! It was a deadlock! Never in my life could I have imagined that so many people could squeeze into so little space.

I wasn't sure whether the sweat on my skin was mine or of the ten people I was in close contact with. I had to follow a seemingly dismembered elbow up to an arm up to a shoulder to a face to figure out who was hooked onto my arm with all his weight. The bugger was actually sleeping with all his weight hooked onto my arm -- bloody hooker!

Bandra came and went. More people got onto the train. Yes -- MORE PEOPLE!

Then finally, when Andheri came a BIG push from behind helped me traverse the last three feet to the door. I was out -- freedom at last!

I rushed back to Bandra on a fast local in the opposite direction, which was thankfully empty.

I just don't know what to make of my journey. Should I be amused about the state of affairs? Should I brush it off as "Life"? Should I be apathatic?

Why do people still come to Mumbai? Go back! No place -- house full!

Bachelors' Lunch

I haven't been blogging much lately. As I type my "comeback post", I'm trying to analyze the reasons of why this could be so. Three reasons come to my mind:

(1) I have drastically reduced the time that I spend on the computer.
(2) Whatever time I do spend, is mostly spent in working -- i.e. no more slashdotting and incessant Google Readering
(3) The "I-just-have-to-blog-about-this" feeling has subsided to quite an extent!

With that, I return to the topic of the post -- "The Bachelors' Lunch" -- which was probably the first 'event' of it's kind for me at Synapse. The idea about the lunch just popped out of nowhere as Shaalini, Mohan, Jwahar, and I were waiting for Abhi to get the '50% discount Marriot cake' on the night of 13th Feb.

Okay, sorry for another detour -- but I just have to tell you this. The pastry shop at Hotel Marriott gives away all bakery items at 50% discount after 9:00 PM every night! :-P Happy calorie counting!

So the idea that popped out of nowhere was that all bachelors at Synapse would cook lunch for everyone else the next day. Jawahar was given charge of logistics and managing the whole affair.


The many cooks that cooked up many a tasty broth were:
o Gurpreet with his Lemon Garlic Chicken - the one in the topmost pateela, right next to the Maggi Ketchup bottle
o Naveen with this Tossed Salad - the one in the red tub
o Moi with my Chilli Paneer - the one in the kadhai towards the bottom of the pic, more on this later
o Mohan with his Rasam & Rice - rasam in the bottom left corner
o I don't remember what was in that pressure cooker -- probably something that Jawahar cooked
o Then there was Italian Pasta by Zubin (not in the picture)
o Not to forget the Strawberry Shake by Kumar.

o Oh yes, and there was also the fraud Jal Jeera by Abhisek!

And now for some 'in-the-action' pics

Moi posing proudly with my freshly cooked chilli paneer. I was the first one to get my hands down and dirty with all the choppping, dicing, and cooking!

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My yummy chilli paneer in its full glory!

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The general commotion in the kitchen. That's Indu in the saaree helping out us lesser mortals with the cooking. She's the inhouse cook whipping up a tasty menu week after week.

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Gurpreet in the act.

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Our CEO, Gourav Jaswal, getting a handful!

Protection from Bird Flu: You never know which cock has it!

E. Sreedharan

After seeing the Konkan Railway bridge here in Goa and realizing that I'd be using it quite frequently now :-D I decided to read up on the man behind the legend -- E. Sreedharan. He completed the Konkan Railway project before schedule and is now working as the Managing Director of the Delhi Metro Rail Corporation (DMRC). The DMRC is also before schedule. Completing a government funded large-scale civil engineering project before schedule is nothing short of a miracle! And these are not any civil engineering projects we're talking about. It's the Konkan Railways and the Delhi Metro Rail. The first time in India such contructions have ever been attempted!

Read about him at the following links. Inspiring!

E. Sreedharan - Wikipedia Entry
E. Sreedharan - Interview in The Indian Express

Synapse -- Rocking Office

I've taken up a job at Synapse, which is an 'Information Agency' based in Goa! I'll be working as a Technology Specialist. And yes -- there actually are people working in Goa!

I've just been through my first day here and I'm already in love with the place. The office is an old Portuguese bungalow in Dona Paula (that's a town about 8km from Panjim). The two storeyed bungalow is painted bright red outside and has a big lawn with a volleyball court! There's even a tree with a truck-waala Goodyear ka tyre doubling up as a swing! Inside the bungalow the walls are painted in cyan, cream, red, yellow, purple... every other color except gray.

And there are no cubicles! Every project group has a room to itself with open desks for each member of the group. Every room has a lovely balcony. I spent the day reading up 'introduction-to-Synapse' stuff (induction related documents) in the balcony!

And since it's a bungalow, there's a full fledged kitchen as well. That's where I'll be having my breakfast, lunch, evening snacks, and dinner.

Apart from the 20 odd people that work at Synapse, there are three office (or official!) dogs -- canines. I'm yet to get acquainted with them -- seem to be rather quiet fellows.

The beach is hardly a two minute drive from the office. I was given a welcome lunch at a restaurant located on the beach. Goan curry and rice is yummy! It was the first time in my life that I had so many fishes.

Life seems so vastly different from what it was in Gurgaon -- let's see what it has in store for me...

Credit Card - At Last!

Yippee! I finally got credit card! It's an HDFC Gold Card with a credit limit of Rs 75,000 :-D

What I can't understand is, why can't they have PIN numbers for credit cards? This facility is available only for Maestro debit cards. Let me explain with an example.

Point of Sale (POS) Purchase

• Master/VISA (debit or credit card): One just needs to swipe the card at the POS and sign the receipt.


• Maestro (debit card): One news to swipe the card, enter the ATM PIN into the Verifone, and then sign the receipt.


• The Issue: In case of card theft the Master/VISA can be easily misused at any POS. The Maestro, however, can not be used without the PIN at all. Why can't the Master Cards and VISAs have this extra level of security? Beats me!

Internet shopping

• Master/VISA (debit or credit card): One needs to enter the card number, name of the card holder, expiry date, and the CVV number (three digit number printed at the back of the card).


• Maestro (debit card): Just doesn't work online. Have tried a number of time but have always failed :-)


• The Issue:With Master/VISA cards all the details required to shop online are given on the card itself! An unscrupulous person need not even have physical possession of your card to shop online -- he just needs the card details. The "apparent" security cover -- the CVV number -- is also given on the card itself and can not be changed!
  
  Sample this - you purchase something at a restaurant, the waiter takes your card, charges you honestly for your current bill, but writes down your card detail (including the CVV number), and poof -- you've crossed your card limit even before you know!
  
  One solution to this problem is to memorize and scratch off the CVV number as soon as you get your credit card. But such obscure techniques could be avoided if one could have a PIN aka debit/ATM cards.

I've mailed the HDFC people about the liability of the card holder if the credit card is misused to make fraudulent online purchases. Let's see what their response is....

Review: 15 Park Avenue

Rating:
Genre: Drama

15 Park Avenue is not an easy movie to watch. It's not the case that it's a bad movie -- on the contrary it's an amazing movie. Do not miss a chance to watch it! But it's certainly not an easy movie to watch.

The Story
The story is powerful. It's about Mitali/Mithi - a schizophrenic girl - her life, her family, and her own reality. The movie is narrated in the present with a series of flashbacks building up the plot.

Mithi is an almost normal child with symptoms of schizophrenia which show up rather rarely. Joydeep/Jojo (Rahul Bose) falls in love with her and is adamant on marrying her, much to the dismay of Mithi's sister, Shabana Azmi. Mithi joins the Illustrated Weekly as a journalist and is sent all alone to a small town in Bihar to cover the post-poll riots. She is raped, repeatedly, by the local goons there. Jojo tries hard to accept her -- but fails. Shocked by the trauma of the gang rape and her lover leaving her, Mithi succumbs to acute schizophrenia. Her sister sacrifices her own life to take care of Mithi.

Jojo goes on to marry and has two kids. Eleven years while holidaying in Bhutan he sees Mithi and is overcome with an extreme sense of guilt of having failed her when she needed him the most. After meeting her a couple of times, he becomes determined to help Mithi find her imaginary home at 15 Park Avenue. All this, much to the disapporval of his wife.

The End
The end is symbolic and we spent the rest of the evening trying to come up with various interpretations of it. The one that I felt was most plausible is that Mithi finally finds the meaning of her life -- her home at 15 Park Avenue with a happy family -- albeit in a separate plane of reality. After she has gone the others start looking for their 15 Park Avenues -- their meanings of life. What do you think -- do you have some other interpretation?

The Actors
Konkana Sensharma has played the part of Mitali flawlessly. You can almost feel her hallucinating when she goes on to describe her imaginary house situated at 15 Park Avenue, five imaginary kids, imaginary pet dogs, and an imaginary husband who works at Baghdad as the prime minister of shikakai.

The scene where Mithi is raped is heart wrenching. Long after the movie, it still haunts me. The other scene -- where Jojo makes love to his wife (Shefali Chhaaya) and she asks him about his past relationship with Mithi -- is powerful too. Two extreme forms of sex juxtaposed against each another -- one to express hatred and the other to express love.

The way the confused emotions of Shabana Azmi are handled are also good. The scene where she starts shouting and blaming her mother for her failed love life is so realistic.

The Verdict
15 Park Avenue reaffirms your faith that all is not lost in Bollywood -- with the No Entry's, Garam Masaalas, and Mahesh Bhatt's skin flicks. It is a must watch!