What Should I Do With My Life?

That's the title of the book that I had impulsively purchased from Fabmall after reading Rashmi's blog post about it. Have read through the first eight "life-changing" stories in the office loo, but nothing great yet. Let's see if I can figure out what should I do with my life by the time end this book!

Oh and it's a great feeling carrying such a book around in the office - people think you're in a mid-life crisis and will have your life figured out in some time. While they, would still be stuck with the trappings of life! Cheap thrills... he he ;o)

Fabmall - A Mixed Experience

Was referred to Fabmall by someone on the ILUG-D mailing list. Ordered two books from them. The nice thing was that I didn't need a credit card (which sadly, I don't have yet) for shopping on this site. The HDFC direct debit facility worked just fine - which is great.

But what was not great was the fact that the buggers sent me a pirated book! They sent me the goddamn pirated version of The Mythical Man Month for two hundred and seventy five (Rs 250 + Rs 25 shipping)! I mean if I had to buy the pirated version I would've done it long back. Why the hell did I have to pay the entire amount for a poor paper, tattered binding and indecipherable printing! A poor version which probably would not give me the complete "book-reading experience"!

I called up their customer care about this issue, and they asked me for a written complaint in an e-mail. I shot it off immediately. It has been two days and I have not received a response from them.

The other book What Should I Do With My Life? is the original one.

The website said that the books usually shipped in three days, but they were a bit late. I had ordered them on Wednesday, and got one book on Monday (next week) and the other on Tuesday. Though they did send me a mail saying that the books might be a bit late.

So, it has been a mixed experience with Fabmall. A range of payment options. Well made website. One book in perfect condition, one pirated book! Delivery a bit late.

It was a hundred times better than First and Second at least. I used to follow up my order on the phone with their "Dial-A-Book" service everyday for two weeks and the book nevery came. I finally took the hint and looked somewhere else!

Calvin Quotes

Off late I've started reading the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. It's AMAZING! It takes some time to get used to the dark sarcastic humour and the frank take on life by a 5 year old kid and a humanlike tiger. But once you get the hang of it - it's addictive.

Found a thread about great Calvin quotes on the Calvin and Hobbes Orkut community. Here's a few choicest ones:

• Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.


• In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.


• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that they have not tried to contact us.


• As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.


• (About telivision) Oh, great altar of passive entertainment, bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!


• (About telivision) This bowl of lukewarm tapioca represents my brain. I offer it in humble sacrifice. Bestow thy flickering light forever!

Subscribe to the this Calvin and Hobbes feed on your Google Reader and get addicted!

GMail Funkiness

Discovered another funky feature on GMail.

• First of all make sure that you have 'Web Clips' enabled on your GMail account.


• Next, go to the Trash folder


• Check out the funky recycling tips on the top! (Click on the image below to see where!)
  

New Year's Resolution?

1024 x 768?

:-D

Ho, ho, ho!

Double Dhamaaka

After a lot of juggling between King Kong, Ek Ajnabee, Kalyug, etc. etc, we finally managed to watch two movies this weekend...

---

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Rating:
Genre: Horror/thriller

It's one of the better horror/thriller movies that I've seen lately. Based on the true story of Anneliese Michel, the story is narrated as a series of flashbacks during a court room trial.

Emily Rose, a college student, is supposedly possessed by supernatual forces (demons, The Devil, whatever) which, of course, is not bought by modern science. The treatment for 'psychotic epilepsy' (whatever that might be) fails to alleviate her sickness and she seeks help from Father Moore by allowing him to exorcise her demons. The exorcism doesn't work and Emily finally succumbs to her injuries and pathetically malnourished state.

Father Moore is convicted of murder due to negligence. His case is taken up by Erin Bruner, an ambitious lawyer who's looking forward to becoming a senior partner in her firm once she wins this case. What follows is a spine chilling, nerve wracking, hair raising, recollection of Emily's life by the many witnesses in the court room. What makes it even spookier is the 'dark effect' the court case has on the people involved in it.

Emily Rose (played by Jennifer Carpenter) looks horrible even when she's not possessed! Though she's played her part perfectly! Watch out for the scenes in the cathedral, in her dorm room (with her boyfriend), and the exorcism towards the end of the movie.

One thing you're going to really hate after watching this movie is 3:00 AM! I, for one, haven't been able to sleep peacefully for the past two nights! Go Figure!

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Bluffmaster

Rating:
Genre: Comedy

People say that Bluffmaster has been copied (inspired, whatever) from "The Game". Well, I haven't seen The Game so I was fine with it. Once I've seen the original, no matter how good the inspiration is, I always end up nitpicking on it. There's something about non-originalism which bothers me, but thats besides the point.

For all the girls out there (does any female read my blog - I wonder), Abhishek Bacchan looks tasty. And I'm stratight. I tended to notice his wardrobe. A pretty smooth collection of shirts he's wearing.

Coming back to the movie. Any hints about what the movie is about would make this a spoiler. The movie is hinges on one fact, as we say, ek hi fatta hai. If you come to know that beforehand - whatever entertainment the movie has to offer, simply goes out of the window.

Abhishek Bacchan and Ritesh Deshmukh are two halves of the pseudo tag-team who are out to con the people. The tag-team part (aka Rush Hour, and hundreds of movies out there) is a bit underplayed. It could've been better. The conning part is much better than the one showed in Bunty aur Babli. I kinda liked the credit card fraud! (Which reminds me - I've applied for HDFC Silver Card today - pray for me folks!)

The movie kinda drags on till the interval. And lightens up only after the entry of Nana Patekar in the movie. And in two words - He ROCKS!

Abhishek Bacchan overplays the part of Roy a bit. I mean, he's too serious, too soon! Could've lightened up a bit - he wasn't playing Sarkar for godsake! Ritesh Deshmukh does his bit fairly well. Boman Irani is a bit underused. Priyank Chopra, for once, gets the exposure correct - and man, she looks hot!

The music is refreshing. Most of the songs are hip-hop mixed versions of old numbers. Except "Right Here, Right Now" sung by the Chhota-B himself. It's good. I kinda like the feel of the song.

To sum it up, Bluffmaster is a one-time watch. Not too entertaining and not a blood sucker (like Garam Masaala) either.

Came across this abso-fucking-lutely hilarious post about Operation Duryodhana on GreatBong. Read it!

Rejected - Again!

Citibank - Rejected!
Standard Chartered Manhattan - Rejected!
ICICI - Rejected, Twice!
ABN AMRO - Rejected!

I just can't understand what kind of credit rating algorithm these banks use. Must be something to do with numerology. I'm almost certain my name numerically spells out 'Bad Debt'. What else could be the reason that my colleague - with the same amount of work experience, same salary, same number of months residing in NCR, same organization - got a Manhattan and I did not!

Earlier, I did not want to apply for a credit card to a bank that had my savings account. The reason, you see, is simple. Credit cards - being the insanely insecure things that they are - are bound to be misused. If I don't want to foot a credit card bill for a purchase that I haven't made, it becomes a tad difficult to be up against a bank that has my savings account. You don't want to give this Rs 10,000 bill - poof! there goes the money from your savings account!

But when none of the 'other' banks wanted to give me a credit card, I had to finally apply to ABN AMRO - which btw has my salary account. And as usual, after verifying my date of birth, residential address, my residential phone number at 7 O' clock on a Sunday morning, my mother's maiden name, my dog's name, my underwear colour, etc. etc. - today I come to know that "We're sorry to say, but your application has not been passed from our side. You will soon recieve a letter from the bank stating the exact reasons for the same."

I think I should change my name to Saurrrabh 'Pays-All-Bills-On-Time' Naaanda!

A Punjabi Wedding: Chapter 2 - Mehndi and Sangeet

This is the third post in a series of posts.

Mehndi and Sangeet, Tuesday
We were all gathered around a table gobbling up yummy jalebis topped with rabri after the cocktail party when my cousin's father prepared ground for the Mehndi and Sangeet:

Cousin's Father (CF): Aur beta tum sai baba ke keertan pe kyu nahin aaye?
Random aunty from our side: Uncle, ab woh keertan mein to nahin aayega!
Me: [Foolish grin]
CF: Kyon wahaan pe DJ nahin tha isliye? [chuckling]
CF: Arre wahaan par alag type ka DJ tha...
Random people from our side: Ha ha ha ha!
Cousin's Sister (CS): You're coming for the mehndi and sangeet tomorrow, na?
Me: Mehndi and Sangeet... isn't that supposed to be a ladies' function?
CS: Arre nahin - everyone will be attending it. It's not a females only affair.
Me: Where is it?
CS: At our place. They will have it at their place?
Me: Will (bride's name) be there?
CS: No, no - they will have mehndi and sangeet at their place - it's a big function for them.
Me: [Sheepishly] Okay I'll be there.

So there you have it... Tuesday evening I was destined to attend a function called Mehndi and Sangeet at ladkewaalon ke yahaan par which was supposedly a unisex event.

As I had recently learnt Rule #2 of attending weddings, I was well prepared for this function. I was wearing a black shirt, corduroy pants (which I was basically reusing for the want of ironed trousers) and a coat!

And lest I forget, this brings us to some very important definitions

Mehndi: Henna is a dye found in hair coloring, that is also used in a temporary body art known as mehndi. It is made from the dried leaf and petiole of Lawsonia alba Lam. (Lawsonia inermis L.). The dye is traditionally found in India, Pakistan, Iran, and North Africa—as well as in expatriate communities from these countries.¹

Sangeet:Hindi word for music.

Raunak: The presence of a good DJ churning out non-stop punjabi and bhangra numbers (see Rule #4) . An open space called the dance floor with lot of people waving their arms wildly as if they had had a seizure of kinds.

Some example usages of Raunak...

Some buzurg comfortably seated in a corner overlooking the dance floor: Kinni raunak payi hui hai? (Loosely translated - look at the raunak these people have put up!)

Bride's/Bridegroom's father to people merrily gobbling up free food instead of doing the raunak thing: Yaar tussi loki koi raunak hi nahin payi hoi! Chalo yaar... thodi raunak pao! (Loose translation: Everybody get your ass on the dance floor!)

Random people discussing a ceremony after its over: Badi raunak si aaj! (Loose transaltion: There was a lot of raunak today)

Function (mathematics): A function is a relation, such that each element of a set is associated with a unique element of another set.

Function (computer science): A function is a sequence of code which performs a specific task, as part of a larger program, and is grouped as one or more statement blocks; such code is sometimes collected into software libraries.

Function (indian weddings): A collection of overdressed women (with about 10% of their body weight in jewelry and make-up) and men in business suits, getting together at either ladkewaalon ke yahaan par or ladkiwaalon ke yahaan par for just one of the umpteen wedding ceremonies. Abundance of raunak is a pre-requisite for a successful function.

So, as I entered the venue (which was my cousin's home) I saw that the cars had been removed from the driveway, which had neatly arranged chairs and matresses instead. The gathering was small with only the ladkewaale present. There were, however, two very important additions - the two paid-by-the-hour mehndiwaalas.

Now, I always wonder why didn't my mom send me to some summer classes to learn the art of mehndi lagaana... where else do you get to admire, decorate, and feel soft female hands - and get paid in the process! Lucky bastards!

So, as I was helping myself to a Bacardi Breezer the raunak started. The dance floor was the cleared out living room - and the DJ was a new Sony Hi-Fi system with a non-stop bhangra CD. I was again being pulled by my cousin's sister to the dance floor when a Sony handycam came to my rescue. And this brings me the Rule #5

Rule #5: You're either part of the raunak or you're the cameraman.

So there I was, with the handycam, capturing aunties dancing to Kajarare naina, interspersed with a daring uncle or two. When I had had enough of the dance floor I went outside to the capture the exquisite art of mehndi decoration.

I was comfortably seated next to the mehndiwaala, filming the way his hands glided stroke after stoke, each stroke adding to the lovely design on the auntie's palms. Before I knew it, the auntie was through and the next in line was a pretty young girl. As the girl folded her legs and applied a yucky smelling oil on her palms...

Pretty Young Thing (PYT): Have I seen you before?
Me: [Blood flow to the brain stops. Jaws fall open - possibly hitting the floor. Pulse rate - 120 bpm] Huh?
PYT: I've seen you before. You came for (cousin sister's name) wedding, right?
Me: [Blood flow resumes. Jaws back in place. Pulse rate - 100 bpm] No. Probably that's my brother you're talking about. I wasn't able to make it to the wedding.
PYT: Oh - that's what I was wondering - that you've changed so much. But both of you look so similar.
Me: [Foolish grin. Pulse rate - 80 bpm. Eureka! Switching on the handycam again - this time ditching the mehndi - focusing PYT's face] I'll videotape this - so that we have on record when we met.
PYT: [Giggling] What kind of video is this?
Me: [Supressing the sudden urge to crack a dirty joke. PYT's face in focus.] So what's your name?
PYT: (Her name)
Me: What? How do you know my cousin sister?
PYT: (Her name). I'm their neighbours.
Me: [Switching off the camera] Oh, so we have met before. Remeber we once went for a rain-dance party.
PYT: To the Gymkhana Club. You, me, (cousin), and (cousin's sister).
Me: Yes. But that was looong back.
[Sudden entry of villain]
Cousin's sister's husband (CSH): Are you through with this?
Me: Huh?
CSH: Agar yeh ho gaya ho to andar aakar sangeet ki recording kar lo.

So the rest of the evening was spent stuffing up on free food and free booze. And trying to explain a couple of inquisive uncles that Evalueserve was not a call center.

And no, today I was not part of the raunak - I was the cameraman.

Slimes of India

When the entire countryside is doing their part to blow Neal 'n' Niki to bits the Times of India (aka Slimes of India) gives it a rating of three stars out of five!

Don't believe me...



(Emphasis is mine!)

What I'm wondering is how much were they paid for this review? It must've cost a bomb to actually have a newspaper give a three-star rating to a movie like Neal 'n' Niki. Well, if it's the Slimes it could be lesser - you never know!

I think the movie should be called "Neal 'n' Niki - Stories are out, Skin is in!"

On a separate note, have you checked out the online edition of TOI lately. I'm not talking of the web portal, but the actual print edition that has been put online. Click the image above (not the one with my intimate feelings, the one which has those stupid three stars) to see a page right of out the Sunday Times.

Neal 'n' Niki

About the caste
Tanisha
o Malnourished (looks like she's got marasmus or kwashiorkar - remember the two diseases we studied about in 10th standard?)
o Horrible looking
o Make-up man forgot to do the eyebrows
o Irritating voice

Uday Chopra
o DICK!

About the movie
o No story
o Wannabe Hollywood look
o Free boob show - ENJOY!

Rashmi Bansal puts it very aptly.

Things to do in the loo #3

Compose ring tones on the cell :-)

That's what I was doing... check it out - "The Lifebuoy Song" on my Nokia 1100

8a1 8f1 4a1 32-
8f1 8g1 8a1 8d2
8c2 8a1 4g1 8c1
8d1 8e1 4g1 8g1
8a1 4g1 8g1 8a1
8g1 8e1 8c1 4d1
16- 4a1 4a1 8a1
8f1 4a1 32- 8f1
8g1 8a1 8d2 8c2
8a1 4g1

If this seems greek to you, go to the Menu->Extras->Composer option on your phone and try to figure out stuff yourself.

Best played at 140 BPM (beats per minute)!

Yeay - new ringtone :-D