A Punjabi Wedding: Chapter 1 - Sai Baba Keertan and Cocktail Party

This is the second post in a series of posts.

Sai Baba Keertan, Sunday
Just like the first class in the morning (which was usually at the unearthly hour of 8:00 AM - who the fuck gets up at 8:00 AM anyways!) I missed the first ceremony of the marriage :-) In case you're making the obvious inference that the keertan was at 8:00 AM - you're wrong! It was in the evening. I didn't go cuz I was lazy - he he! Why the fuck wants to attend a keertan anyways!

On the insistence of a friend, I had once attended a jagraata, it was insane. People singing bhajans, at the top of their voices and dancing as if they're possessed or something! If you look at it, except for the music and lighting arrangement, it's almost like a rock concert or a disc!

Cocktail Party, Monday
I'm the last person who'd miss his a chance to fill up at a free booze party :-P A friend of mine had come over to stay at my place (hereinafter referred to as the Unidentifiable Friend), and with me scooting off for thr free booze party he'd be left alone at home. So I called up my cousin's place:

Me: Hi! What time should I reach your place?
Cousin's Sister: About 7:30 - 8:00... we'll leave around that time.
Me: Can I bring one of my friend's too?
CS: Actually, we are going to 'their' place and only about 20 from 'our side' are going... let me ask...
CS (to her father): Papa, he wants to bring a friend along
[Random voices, people shouting, heavens falling, shit happening]
CS (finally to me): Umm... ya, you can bring, I guess it'll be okay.. well, yes....
Me (to myself): Okay, okay, I get the point!

This brings us to a very important Rule #1 -

Rule #1: There exists a certain limit on the number of people which can go from hamaari taraf se to unke yahaan pe when the party/ceremony is being hosted at unke yahaan pe
Corollary of Rule #1: You cannot bring friends over when you're going over to unke wahaan pe.

So the Unidentifiable Friend had to stay at home - sorry dude!

After a lot of hunting for partywear at home I was finally wearing a black sweater/pullover and cuordroy pants - the sweater borrowed from the Unidentifiable Friend (the irony of it all!)

So I rushed to my cousin's place and reached there at 7:45 PM only to find 9 missed calls on my cell (which btw, was on silent mode) - and all the 19 people standing outside waiting for me (I was the 20th).

As I neared them, wearing the widest grin humanly possible I could notice each one of them was giving me dirty looks. All the men were wearing suits - with ties! Me, I was in a casual sweater and cuordroy pants. Wrong choice!

That brings us to Rule #2.

Rule #2: For men, the safest attire is business suits. Anything else will be frowned upon by someone or the other.

And those strange looks were the one thing that were going to be constant throughout the night.

After about 45 mins of weaving throught the Gurgaon-Delhi traffic we finally reached the venue. Like normal people attending a party I expected everyone would enter as-and-when they arrived - but no! When you're from ladke waalon ki taraf se and are going to attend a ceremony at the ladki waalon ki taraf you have to make a grand entry. You wait till the entire brigade of five cars has arrived, everyone has assembled, and the troupe is lined up in some strategic manner, known only to the buzurg in the family.

And when you enter the pandaal you find that the entire ladkiwaale are standing at the entrace with folded hands and a line of waiters aka stewards aka dirty-old-men-carrying-trays-with-yummy-snacks standing besides them - all waiting to welcome you!

baamullaza hoshiyaar, shehen shahon ke shehenshaah, hukumat-e-hindustaan, apne parivaar sahit, ladke waale, padhaar rahe haaaaaaain!!!

Well almost!

That brings us to Rule #3

Rule #3: When attending a ceremony organized at unke yahaan pe it is your moral duty as the invitee to enter in full strength, splendor, and glory!

I hardly knew anyone! I slipped passed the ladkiwaala brigade waiting to give us the majestic bow, and headed straight for the snacks! Yummy! Well, this was supposed to be a cocktail party, so the booze was next on my agenda... Tequila with orange juice... tasty!

The venue was the courtyard of a school (the bride owns and runs a kindergarten school). The entire courtyard was covered with a ghastly red coloured carpet. The place was floodlit like they were going to have a day-and-night cricket match between the ladkawaalas and the ladkiwaalas!

So, there I was, standing in some obscure corner with a drink in my hand, feeling terribly out of place - wearing only a pullover (what no suit!), and watching the 'dance floor' with aunties, uncles, and kids of all shapes and sizes trying to shake their respective booties!

I was able to dodge umpteen requests for joining the so called 'dance' on pretext of "aap chalo, main bas drink finish karke aata hoon"! Until my cousin's sister (who, surprisingly, is also my cousin, but to prevent any confusion there are two people I'm talking about, (a) cousin - who's getting married, and (b) cousin's sister - who's already married) finally figured out that I was having a drink too many. She finally pulled me onto the dance floor, at the precise time when the 'DJ' decided to stop playing the typical punjabi numbers and moved on to some Boney M. numbers! And there I was trying to be the 'Daddy Cool' on the dance floor when everyone else had stopped dead and was giving dirty looks to the poor DJ!

That brings us to Rule #4

Rule #4: You're not a good DJ if you cannot play non-stop Punjabi numbers and play the latest hindi hit at least ten times during the night.
Corallary to Rule #4: No good DJ ever plays at marriage parties.

So finally, the DJ relented, and started with Kajaraare kajaraare tere kaale kaale naina! And the dance floor was rockin' once again!

The 'to-be' bride and groom were almost 24x7 on the dance floor.

The party ended at 12:00 midnight when someone finally remembered that the Supreme Court orders were to stop all loud music at 10:00 PM.

We, the ladkawaalas, finally left when everyone had had dinner - the entire troupe all together!