Most Persistent Telemarketer

Minutes after I blogged about this I came across this this. Watch it! It's hilarious. (NSFW warning, though)

The Customer Satisfaction Survey From Hell

Reliance Infocomm - How clueless can a company be about customer service. Sample this.

The Background

My billing address has changed since I moved from Goa to Mumbai. I don't have the time (or inclination) to run around Reliance Web Worlds (with characteristically rude people manning the counters) with my address proofs to get the billing address changed. I don't care much about the hard copy of the bill anyways. I pay my bills online and just need a printout of the PDF to submit for official claims.

Reliance has a website which lets you view your past bills and lets you pay bills online. Which is good. Really good. But the problem is, downloading past bills doesn't work most of the time. So, I wanted my bill to land up in my inbox, by email, every month.

I had made this request in the past. I had received my bill via email once (last month), and now it had again stopped coming.

The Call

I called up *333, almost jumping in surprise with the extremely loud "Marathi karita ek daba" (press 1 for Marathi), waited for a decent 90 seconds, and finally being answered by a human.

Me: Maine request kari thi bill email se bhejne ke liye. Ek maheene ka bill email se aaya bhi hai. Uske baad band ho gaya. Kyun band ho gaya?
Reliance human: Sir, yeh number aap hi ka hai? Aapka billing address kya hai?
Me: [tell the old address]
Reliance human: Sir, aapka naam kya hai?
Me: [Tell the name]
Reliance human: To sir aapko apna billing address change karwaana hai?
Me: [edgy] Nahin. Maine yeh nahin bola. Maine bola ki maine email se bill bhejne ki request kari thi. Ek maheene bill aaya. Fir band ho gaya. Kyun?
Reliance human: Sir, hum email se bill bhejte hi nahin hai!
Me: [completely zapped and irritated] Kya baat kar rahin hain aap. Maine khud picchli baar request kari thi. Aapke supervisor se baat kari thi. Ek maheene email se bill bhi aaya hai!
Reliance human: accha sir, ek minute...
[and she puts me on hold. No music, nothing! The line could've been dead for all you know]
Reliance human: Accha sir, humne apne system mein note daal diya hai
Me: Mujhe request number dijiye please [that's one thing you should always ask for when you're talking to the Reliance call center. These guys are in the habit of not taking a request -- a fact that their supervisor has told me in the past]
Reliance human: Nahin sir, is cheez ke liye hum system mein request nahin le sakte!!!
Me: [completely losing it] kya bakwaas kar rahi hain aap... aap kya chahti hain, aapke supervisor se fir baat karni pade mujhe... maine khud picchli baar request kari hai... aur number bhi mila hai
Reliance human: [now on the defence] accha sir, ek min, ek min...
[more wait]
Reliance human: Sir, aapka request number hai XYZ

Finally! Though I still haven't gotten my bill on email. But stay with me, the best is yet to come.

The Customer "Satisfaction" Survey

[phone rings -- I recognize the Reliance number. I'm good at it]
Reliance human: Sir, main Reliance ki taraf se bol raha hoon. Humaari company ko Reliance ki taraf se grahak santushti survey karne ka contract mila hai. Sir kya aapne 27 Dec 12:03 pe Reliance customer care mein request darj karwayi thi
Me: Haan
Reliance human: Sir, kya yeh aapne khud kiya tha ya fir kisi aur ne aapki taraf se kiya tha...
Me: Nahin maine khud kiya tha
Reliance human: Sir, kya aap is survey ke liye apne keemti samay to thoda waqt nikaal sakte hain?
Me: [obviously, dude. I have a bone to pick!] Haan
Reliance human: Theek hai sir, toh fir prashnon ka uttar aap paanch ankon mein de sakte hai, 5 ka matlab bahut santusht, 4 ka matlab santusht, 3 ka matbal na hi santush-na asantusht, 2 ka matlab asantush, aur 1 ka matlab bahut asantush. Sir, kya aapko ankon ki jaankari ho gayi hai?
Me: Haan
Reliance human: To sir, humaara pehla sawaal, aapk poorna roop se, reliance customer care mein hui vartalaap ko kya ank denge
Me: 2
Reliance human: Sir, 2 -- uska matlab?
Me: [wtf?] asantush
Reliance human: Sir, iski wajah kya hai?
Me: kyunki customer care executive meri request lene se mana kar raha tha
Reliance human: Sir, aapka doosra sawal, reliance mein phone milne se lekar customer care executive tak pahunchne mein jo samay laga, usko aap kitne ank dete hain
Me: 4 - santusht
Reliance human: Sir, teesra sawal, customer service executive ke baat karne ke dhang ko aapa kitne ank dete hain?
Me: 3 - na santush, na asantusht
Reliance human: iski koi wajah?
Me: [getting irritated] nahin koi khaas wajah nahin
Reliance human: nahin sir koi wajah to hogi
Me: arre bhai, koi wajah nahin... har cheez ki koi wajah nahin hoti
Reliance human: nahin sir, aap 3, 2, 1, mein wajah bataayenge tabhi to mein yahaan likhoonga na sir.
Me: Mere paas wajah nahin hai... aapko aage ka sawaal poocchna hai toh theek hai... nahin to phone rakh raha hoon main
Reliance human: Nahin sir, aap na to santusht hai, na asantusht hain, iski koi to wajah hogi na..."

[i wish I could bang the phone down! but I had to make do with a simple click of the red button on my cell. That's a fucking problem with these cell phones (especially if you own them) -- they don't aid in anger management as well as landlines do!]

I was left dumbfounded. Seriously, is customer satisfaction so hard to get right? These guys are not even in the right direction!

Highbrow v/s Lowbrow

Talking (in part) on how the two cultures, Unix and Microsoft, differ fundamentally, Joel Spolsky nails it in his Talk at Yale:

Anyway, the two cultures roughly correspond to highbrow vs. lowbrow, and in fact, it’s reflected accurately in the curriculum of computer science departments throughout the country. At Ivy League institutions, everything is Unix, functional programming, and theoretical stuff about state machines. As you move down the chain to less and less selective schools Java starts to appear. Move even lower and you literally start to see classes in topics like Microsoft Visual Studio 2005 101, three credits. By the time you get to the 2 year institutions, you see the same kind of SQL-Server-in-21-days “certification” courses you see advertised on the weekends on cable TV. Isn’t it time to start your career in (different voice) Java Enterprise Beans!

In my experience the perfect mix is a "highbrow" computer education (to get the basics right) with a pinch of exposure to the "lowbrow", which will give the person the ability to get stuff done. Not just sit there and come up with beautiful architectures, theoretical proofs, and DSLs which have no frikking use whatsoever.

I've previously written about my experience with an extremely "lowbrow" college when I went recruiting for Cleartrip.

On a separate note, we're always on the lookout for developers who're passionate and thoughtful about the work they do. We are a travel company, but technology is a core component. We can't bear to see sloppy code at any level (and that also includes the HTML). If you think you'd be interested in working with us, drop me a line.

Lord of War - Hits your hard, hits you good.

I just finished watching Lord of War. It blew me away. Totally fucking awesome movie. Just love the way it's been narrated. Liked the way the opening credits have been shot. Guffawed at the numerous one liners. Especially liked the one where Yuri Orlov (Nicolas Cage) says this about how his relationship with his trophy wife started:

Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that's where they usually end up anyway, it's a logical place to start.

Was surprised to hear the "Bombay Theme" by A.R. Rahman on the soundtrack. It plays in the background after the part where Yuri distributes the arms to the locals to get the Interpol off his back (when Jack Valentine "arrests" him for 24 hours).

The end hits you hard. Really hard.

PS: In case you liked this movie, I would also recommend Blood Diamond and Death of a President.

Cross blog promotion

New post about The Pavilion, ITC Grand Central over at Foodie For Life.

How to get Reliance ZTE MG880 working with Ubuntu Linux 7.04

I tried searching on Google but couldn't find all the information in one place as a simple TODO. So here's my contribution back to the Linux user's out there:

1. I've been successful in configuring Reliance ZTE MG880 modem/data card over the USB bus. I'm not sure whether this model is available as a PCMCIA card, but I don't know whether it'll work for it.


2. Plug in the smart looking black little thingie in a USB slot. dmesg should give weird message like this:

   [37246.516000] usb 2-1: new full speed USB device using uhci_hcd and address 15
   [37246.640000] usb 2-1: device descriptor read/64, error -71
   [37246.864000] usb 2-1: device descriptor read/64, error -71
   [37247.080000] usb 2-1: new full speed USB device using uhci_hcd and address 16
   [37247.200000] usb 2-1: device descriptor read/64, error -71
   [37247.424000] usb 2-1: device descriptor read/64, error -71
   [37247.640000] usb 2-1: new full speed USB device using uhci_hcd and address 17
   [37248.048000] usb 2-1: device not accepting address 17, error -71
   [37248.536000] usb 2-1: new full speed USB device using uhci_hcd and address 19
   [37248.760000] usb 2-1: configuration #1 chosen from 1 choice

   
   


3. Don't worry. Just execute the following command and look for ZTE in the output:

   $ cat/proc/bus/usb/devices
   [...]
   T:  Bus=02 Lev=01 Prnt=01 Port=00 Cnt=01 Dev#= 19 Spd=12  MxCh= 0
   D:  Ver= 1.01 Cls=00(>ifc ) Sub=00 Prot=00 MxPS=16 #Cfgs=  1
   P:  Vendor=19d2 ProdID=fffd Rev= 0.00
   S:  Manufacturer=ZTE, Incorporated
   S:  Product=ZTE CDMA Tech
   [...]



4. Look for the Vendor ID and Product ID (in bold above). Issue the following command:
   

   $ sudo modprobe usbserial vendor=0x19d2 product=0xfffd

   
   A dmesg should give you similar looking output at the end:
   

   [38360.764000] usbcore: registered new interface driver usbserial
   [38360.764000] drivers/usb/serial/usb-serial.c: USB Serial support registered for generic
   [38360.940000] usbserial_generic 2-1:1.0: generic converter detected
   [38360.940000] usb 2-1: generic converter now attached to ttyUSB0
   [38360.940000] usbserial_generic 2-1:1.1: generic converter detected
   [38360.940000] usb 2-1: generic converter now attached to ttyUSB1
   [38360.940000] usbserial_generic 2-1:1.2: generic converter detected
   [38360.940000] usb 2-1: generic converter now attached to ttyUSB2
   [38360.940000] usbcore: registered new interface driver usbserial_generic
   [38360.940000] drivers/usb/serial/usb-serial.c: USB Serial Driver core

   
   
5. Now run a wvdialconf:
   

   $ sudo wvdialconf
   Editing `/etc/wvdial.conf'.
   
   Scanning your serial ports for a modem.
   
   Modem Port Scan<*1>: S0   S1   S2   S3   
   WvModem<*1>: Cannot get information for serial port.
   ttyUSB0<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 Z -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 &C1 -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 &C1 &D2 -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 &C1 &D2 +FCLASS=0 -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Modem Identifier: ATI -- ZTEiT, Incorporated
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Speed 4800: AT -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Speed 9600: AT -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Speed 19200: AT -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Speed 38400: AT -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Speed 57600: AT -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Speed 115200: AT -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Speed 230400: AT -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Speed 460800: AT -- OK
   ttyUSB0<*1>: Max speed is 460800; that should be safe.
   ttyUSB0<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 &C1 &D2 +FCLASS=0 -- OK
   WvModem<*1>: Cannot get information for serial port.
   ttyUSB1<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 -- failed with 2400 baud, next try: 9600 baud
   ttyUSB1<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 -- failed with 9600 baud, next try: 115200 baud
   ttyUSB1<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 -- and failed too at 115200, giving up.
   WvModem<*1>: Cannot get information for serial port.
   ttyUSB2<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 -- failed with 2400 baud, next try: 9600 baud
   ttyUSB2<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 -- failed with 9600 baud, next try: 115200 baud
   ttyUSB2<*1>: ATQ0 V1 E1 -- and failed too at 115200, giving up.
   
   Found a modem on /dev/ttyUSB0.
   Modem configuration written to /etc/wvdial.conf.
   ttyUSB0: Speed 460800; init "ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 &C1 &D2 +FCLASS=0"
   



6. Finally edit /etc/wvdial.conf to make sure it looks like the following. I've added emphasis to the stuff which I had to edit. I'm not sure the "Stupid Mode = 1" line is need or not. It was required for the older Reliance data cards so I just put it in there:
   

   
   [Dialer zte]
   Init1 = ATZ
   Init2 = ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 &C1 &D2 +FCLASS=0
   Modem Type = Analog Modem
   Phone = #777
   Username = 9324979856
   Password = 9324979856
   ISDN = 0
   SetVolume = 0
   FlowControl = Hardware (CRTSCTS)
   Modem = /dev/ttyUSB0
   Dial Command = ATDT
   Baud = 460800
   Stupid Mode = 1

Just in case this did not work for you and you had to tweak the process, please post it in the comments section and I'll update the post accordingly.

Update: I noticed that if I do the modprobe with the modem inserted in the USB slot, the /dev/ttyUSB* devices are not created. So, first modprobe, and then insert the modem.

Times Of India - Male fertility and email

Following up on my interesting tidbits around the Internet thread, here's another TODO off my list :-)

The Times of India has an Ajaxified (ooh!) widget on the right side of its homepage. Clicking on the "Most emailed" tab comes up with very amusing results. Check out what I found:



I wonder how many men would be using it to sway it in their favour. "But darling, it is a scientific fact that if we don't do it now, we won't have that baby 3 years later!"

And no, you won't find that link there -- it's gone :-) Here it is, by the way.

Facebook - Interesting Screenshots

Every now and then I keep coming across interesting tidbits on the Internet (or Mumbai's streets) which I keep tagging as "must-blog" and stashing away in my mental archive. This post is about getting one of those items off my TODO list :-)

I'm not much of a fan of social networks, but for what it's worth, I've recently started Facebooking more than Orkutting. Specially because of the granularity you can assign to various "friends" on Facebook. I was sick of getting friend requests from random people on Orkut and having to choose between the slightly rude "acquaintance" and the slightly more-warm-that-I'd-like-it-to-be "friend". On the other hand, on Facebook, I can exactly specify how I know the person. So, someone I've interviewed is also on my contact list but with the complete context. And 6 months down the line if I get a scrap ("writing on the wall" in Facebook-speak) I can remind myself of how I know the person. (I know, a little rude to be saying this, but it happens to all of us -- especially me!)

But what simply takes the cake is the way they've phrased the options for the "We dated" section. Apt and to the point. I think it covers almost all the situations in a relationship. Especially the catch-all "It's complicated" bit :-) Take a look for yourself -- click for larger pics.

75% usability experts think that Cleartrip.com is the best!

From the Usability Professionals Association - Bangalore Chapter's Blog:

What is your favorite Indian website from a usability perspective? What aspect of it do you like?

• Sridhar Marri: I am yet to see a great Indian website on the Internet. However in the Intranet space, our Sparsh – the Infosys Intranet is my favorite. Its telescopic information architecture and flexible design for growth are two aspects that I like most. And it is full of life!


• Muthukumar: http://www.cleartrip.com/ I like it because the overall ticketing process is easy to use, defect free and fast.


• Param: www.cleartrip.com It is not cluttered. The user interface is simple. Implementation is slick and consistent (like immediate page refreshes, etc.).


• Amit Pande: The last one I liked was http://www.cleartrip.com – it made bookings easier by providing a lot of relevant information upfront, making trip price calculations easy, and keeping the credit card payment process straightforward. I also like some of the UI components used in the site, including the collapsible panes.

:-)

I guess the almost obsessive focus on user experience and the KISS principle (Keep It Simple, Stupid) is paying off. Recently, we had also been chosen as the best Indian travel website (and there are quite a few of them out there) by PC World.

Kudos to the entire design, tech, and product team at Cleartrip for consistently kicking ass!

PS: And I beat Hrush to this post :-)

Loins of Punjab on YouTube

I was was searching YouTube for a clip of Khoon Karaba (from Loins of Punjab) and I was pleasantly surprised to find that most of the movie trailers on YouTube have been put up by Manish Acharya himself (actually it could've been anyone from the production company with an account in his name, but what the heck!). Here's Manish Acharya's account page.

It's good to see the web being used to connect directly with the audience.

Do watch the Loins of Punjab Music Video.
And finally:

I'm the galactic jedi life force of bhangra!

ROFL! You just have to watch this film!

Cross blog promotion... three new posts at Foodie For Life:

• Clubs and Burgers at Cafe Mocambo, Fort, Mumbai


• Amazing Indian food at Food Inn, Colaba, Mumbai


• Mini meals at Mocha, Marine Lines, Mumbai

Movielicious Weekend

Watched three movies last weekend. The perks of living bang next to a multiplex... heh :-) I saw "Loins of Punjab" and "Manorama - Six Feet Under" back-to-back. And I mean back-to-back. 1:30 to 3:15 was Loins of Punjab and 3:15 to 5:30 was Manorama.

Both the movies simply rocked!

Watched Dhol the next day. Or couldn't watch it for that matter - left it midway at the interval.

Loins of Punjab is a laugh riot. It's about a "Desi Idol" contest which apparently is _not_ a rip-off of hundreds of music contests out there today. The only catch being that it's open for all the South-East Asian in America. Amazing bunch of characters the script writer has cooked up. I just loved the hip-hop/bhangra surd duo and their "Khoon-karaba" number. Loins of Punjab is a must-must watch.

Manorama-Six Feet Under is also an amazing movie. Short and sweet. Very different script. Lovely cinematography. The director has paid attention to small details like the kind of clothes the actors are wearing. The decor inside the houses. The kind of vehicles people are traveling in. Everything. Abhay Deol is a surprisingly good actor. I liked him in "Ek Chaalis Ki Last Local" as well. Ditto for Gul Panag in Manorama and Dor. This too, is a must watch.

Dhol was a piece of shit. No other way to describe it. I mean, how many times can someone make the same thing over and over again. This time the gags didn't even elicit a tiny giggle. Had to leave it during the interval. Couldn't sit through the entire ordeal.

And the sad part was that Dhol was almost house full, whereas, Loins of Punjab and Manorama were almost house empty. Sad. Really sad.

Shit floats AND sells.

Test post

test post

--

http://nandz.blogspot.com
http://foodieforlife.blogspot.com

The GMail Video...

...is finally out. It's probably been out for a while, it's just that I happened to notice the "Watch our video" link in GMail today. Go watch it at http://mail.google.com/mvideo. And watch my submission titled God, Adam, and GMail, which sadly didn't get selected :-(

Interestingly, no clip from India was selected and there were only a couple of submissions from thsi side of the world. Check out the map. The pin on Mumbai will lead to my submission again :-)

I made the video using GAP - The Gimp Animation Package. It's pretty easy once you get the hang of it. I'll probably write a small tutorial some day I find the time.

Orkut and India - A Love-Hate Relationship

Well, I hope this time the bigots don't go around chasing Orkut for dishonoring the national colours! I won't be surprised if there's a law hidden in some obscure act somewhere!

Enjoy your freedom while it lasts!

What does software and menstruation have in common?

At least two Ubuntu packages. I present to you cycle and mencal for tracking menstrual cycles. Immense entertainment ensues to think about the functional testing.

Man from testing team: Honey, did you have your period today?
Test subject: Get lost you insensitive clod!
Man from testing team: (Filling out bug report form) Prediction early by few days. Kindly fix ASAP.

Cycle

calendar program for women
Cycle is a calendar for women. Given a cycle length or statistics for
several periods, it can calculate the days until menstruation, the days
of "safe" sex, the fertile period, and the days to ovulations, and
define the d.o.b. of a child. It allows the user to write notes and
helps to supervise the administration of hormonal contraceptive tablets.

Possibilities of the program:
  - Calculate days of menstruation, based on the length of the cycle or
    on statistics of previous periods.
  - Calculate days of "safe" sex, fertile period and day to ovulations.
  - Definition of D.O.B. (Date Of Birth) of a child
  - Allows to write notes.
  - Helps to supervise reception of hormonal contraceptive tablets.
  - Multiple users allowed. Data is protected by a password for every
    user.

NOTE: This program is not a reliable contraceptive method. It does
neither help to prevent sexual transmision diseases like AIDS. It is
just an electronic means of keeping track of some of your medical data
and extract some statistical conclusions from them. You cannot consider
this program as a substitute for your gynecologist in any way.

 Homepage: http://cycle.sourceforge.net/

Mencal

A menstruation calendar
Mencal is a menstruation calendar written in Perl.

It is a simple variation of the well-known Unix command cal. The main
difference is that you can have some periodically repeating days highlighted
in color. This can be used to track menstruation (or other) cycles
conveniently.

Author: C. McCohy 
Homepage: http://mencal.kyberdigi.cz/english.html

I've read so many arguments and debates on why we don't have women in technology, especially software. And I never really figure out the real reason for it. But now I can say, at least we're trying!

Mother of all CAPTCHAs

Came across this Slashdot story about a "true random number generator that relies on the unpredictable quantum process of photon emission." QRBG provides high-quality true random numbers through a web service for which you have to sign up.

I laughed my guts out at the CAPTCHA:



Nice. Makes sure you're a human AND of a certain type.

For all those who're racking their brains out yaar, sine ka differentiation kya hota tha (I did that too :-)), here are some hints:

• (d/dx) sin(x) = cos(x)


• (d/dx) cos(x) = -sin(x)


• sin(n*pi)=0 for all integer values of n


• cos(m*pi/2)=0 for all odd (integer) values of m

Is stealing users a good strategy?

Zapak seems to have caught my fancy. I'm sure everyone would've seen the irritating (and offensive) "As fast as 1-2-3" ad campaign by Zapak. Close on the heels of that, I notice another web campaign from Zapak:



The first frame of the animated GIF has a purple Spidey holding up a placard that reads, "jumping_jack@tediffmail.com" (emphasis mine, apparent spelling mistake - theirs).



The second frame has the same purple Spidey holding up a placard with "spider.man@zapak.com" written on it. Why the dot, I wonder. Wasn't it about "reclaiming your name"? It's Spiderman, not Spider-dot-man!

I just don't get it. Zapak started off as an online gaming company with excellent advertising and marketing campaigns. I remember telling everyone about the "Get to the next level" campaign I saw in Adlabs loos. Or the "Your race begins here" campaign on escalators. Then it went off to focus on girls in gaming.

And then all of a sudden - free email? Which gets delivered instantaneously? Which is as easy as "login, compose, send"? I mean, wow! No one though of that before!

And then it wants people to reclaim their names on a website called Zapak.com? What would anyone like to give out on a CV - nanda_saurabh@gmail.com OR saurabh.nanda@zapak.com? And how long can you go along with this strategy? It's self defeating. You can have only one amit.agarwal@zapak.com or amit.singh@zapak.com. Your USP goes out of the window as soon as you have enough number of people signing up.

If you can't innovate at least don't try to steal Rediffmail's users. They have a phrase for this - "splitting the pie" or "dividing the pie"...

(Oh, btw, they've also launched a YouTube clone now - Zapak.tv)

Cross blog promotion :-)

Back with a bang at my Foodie For Life blog. Two posts (a) Tavaa (Bandra, Mumbai) and (b) Monsoon Malabaar @ Mocha

It's strange to be reviving my foodie blog while desperately trying to lose weight. Any guesses on the number?

Rename Trip: Hidden goodie

Personal & business related travel is booming and the number of trips a person has to make (or book on behalf of someone else) is increasing every day. Being the "internet whiz kid" on the block, I'm sure you would've been asked by a host of uncles & aunties to book them some cheap tickets through the internet :-)

The Cleartrip account pages are packed with lots of goodies to help you manage your travel easily and more efficiently. One of the personalization features I love is the ability to rename your trips to something immediately recognizable. So, instead of identifying a trip by the travel date or from/to airports you can rename it to "Mom's trip to Mumbai". Or "Going home for vacations". Or "For pinky aunty -- still to pay". Whatever.

Here's how you do it:

Log into you Cleartrip account. You will be redirected to your trips listing page. Click on a trip to get to the trip details page. Right below the "Trips", "Profile", and "Email Preferences" link you'll see the trip name and the "Rename trip" link.

Click on the "Rename trip" link to open the trip name editor.

Change the trip name to something more recognizable and hit save. Voila! You've successfully renamed your trip.
The new name of the trip will now appear everywhere (trip listing, trip details, mail trip details, etc.)

HP

How many of us realize we have two HP's in India? Heh. This could be a good question for a geekiness index :-)

Cybersquatting in India

Spicy IP informs us that the domain gmail.co.in was squatted over by a fellow named "Chen Zhaoyang". Google ultimately got it back after filing a complaint with the "National Internet Exchange of India" (NIXI)
I never knew something like that even existed. Apparently the NIXI has a Wikipedia page as well.

Google seems to have won the arbitration but it doesn't look like they've got control of the domain yet.


Surprisingly, a WHOIS query on gmail.co.in thre up the name of "Sukumaran Pillai" based in Alabama!

Domain ID:D2507759-AFIN
Domain Name:GMAIL.CO.IN
Created On:03-May-2007 20:02:52 UTC
Last Updated On:08-May-2007 15:10:14 UTC
Expiration Date:03-May-2008 20:02:52 UTC
Sponsoring Registrar:Direct Information Pvt. Ltd. dba PublicDomainRegistry.com (R5-AFIN)
Status:CLIENT TRANSFER PROHIBITED
Status:TRANSFER PROHIBITED
Registrant ID:DI_6367931
Registrant Name:Sukumaran Pillai
Registrant Organization:N/A
Registrant Street1:978 Henderson Rd NW
Registrant City:Auburn
Registrant State/Province:Alabama
Registrant Postal Code:36832
Registrant Country:US
Registrant Phone:+1.3170939374
Registrant Email:skumaranp@yahoo.com
Admin ID:DI_6367931
Admin Name:Sukumaran Pillai
Admin Organization:N/A
Admin Street1:978 Henderson Rd NW
Admin City:Auburn
Admin State/Province:Alabama
Admin Postal Code:36832
Admin Country:US
Admin Phone:+1.3170939374
Admin Email:skumaranp@yahoo.com
Tech ID:DI_6367931
Tech Name:Sukumaran Pillai
Tech Organization:N/A
Tech Street1:978 Henderson Rd NW
Tech City:Auburn
Tech State/Province:Alabama
Tech Postal Code:36832
Tech Country:US
Tech Phone:+1.3170939374
Tech Email:skumaranp@yahoo.com
Name Server:NS1.SEDOPARKING.COM
Name Server:NS2.SEDOPARKING.COM

Incidentally microsoft.co.in has also been squatted! Let's see what happens here.

Domain ID:D490943-AFIN
Domain Name:MICROSOFT.CO.IN
Created On:16-Feb-2005 06:40:20 UTC
Last Updated On:02-Aug-2006 09:31:44 UTC
Expiration Date:16-Feb-2008 06:40:20 UTC
Sponsoring Registrar:Direct Information Pvt. Ltd. dba PublicDomainRegistry.com (R5-AFIN)
Status:CLIENT DELETE PROHIBITED
Status:CLIENT RENEW PROHIBITED
Status:CLIENT TRANSFER PROHIBITED
Status:CLIENT UPDATE PROHIBITED
Registrant ID:DI_1138221
Registrant Name:Piyush Somani
Registrant Organization:eTechSupport.net
Registrant Street1:303, Rohan Heights, Model Colony
Registrant City:Nashik
Registrant State/Province:Maharashtra
Registrant Postal Code:IN
Registrant Country:IN
Registrant Phone:+91.9850552225
Registrant Phone Ext.:91
Registrant Email:piyush@etechsupport.net
Admin ID:DI_1138221
Admin Name:Piyush Somani
Admin Organization:eTechSupport.net
Admin Street1:303, Rohan Heights, Model Colony
Admin City:Nashik
Admin State/Province:Maharashtra
Admin Postal Code:IN
Admin Country:IN
Admin Phone:+91.9850552225
Admin Phone Ext.:91
Admin Email:piyush@etechsupport.net
Tech ID:DI_1138221
Tech Name:Piyush Somani
Tech Organization:eTechSupport.net
Tech Street1:303, Rohan Heights, Model Colony
Tech City:Nashik
Tech State/Province:Maharashtra
Tech Postal Code:IN
Tech Country:IN
Tech Phone:+91.9850552225
Tech Phone Ext.:91
Tech Email:piyush@etechsupport.net
Name Server:NS1.NETTOOLZ.NET
Name Server:NS2.NETTOOLZ.NET

Mumbai Blogger Meet at Seijo

[...]
Male 1: Never seen yours. Will surely check it out tonight.
Male 2: Yeah me too!
[...]

It was fun! Met some interesting people (Moksh Juneja, Kapil B, Gaurav Mishra, Mohit, Shiju Thomas, Amit Varma, and an M$ editor dude -- sorry I couldn't get your name over the loud music and heavy accent!) And of course, our lovely hostesses Melody and Sakshi.

Some pics at Sakshi's blog and at Melody's. The only publicly available pic of mine (waving in the background towards the right):

Cheeni Kum: Review

Executive summary :-)

• "Cheeni Kum - A sugar free romance", that's what the movie adverts want you to believe. It's not. It's full of sugar coated dialogues and oh-so-irritatingly-sweet-if-I-were-a-diabetic-I-would-die kind of scenes.
• 5 out of the 7 truly funny scenes are shown in the movie trailers. You won't be missing much, trust me!
• Amitabh and Tabu share absolutely no on-screen chemistry. Every frame they share seems artificial. How can you have a romance without a sizzling chemistry between the leads?
• Amitabh is getting too repetitive with his loud monologues. You know, where he spurts out a long lecture, pausing in the end, almost cueing the audience for an applause. I'm sick of them. The movie starts off with one of those, "Khaana banaana duniya ki sabsi badi kala hai..." -- you've probably seen it in the adverts.
• The excruciatingly irritating kid, called "Sexy" in the movie will make you want to pull your hair out. Or stab her to death (in my case). I usually don't like the stupid kids that are there just for adding the cute element to the movie. And to voice heavily philosophical dialogues sugar-coated by their ostensible innocence and irritating lisp. For example, Ta Ra Rum Pum, Kucch Kucch Hota Hai, (insert any Karan Johar/Aditya Chopra/Yash Raj movie here)
• The movie is bloody long. In Bollywood, there is no excuse for making a three hour boring movie without songs.
  
• Delhi is NOT situated between Qutub Minar and India Gate.
  
• The plot had a lot of potential. The starcast was amazing. But surprisingly, the movie was a total fuck-up!

I had been waiting for Cheeni Kum, only to get disappointed. I'm sure people will still queue up to watch it, but atleast you'll end up lowering your expectations.

Zapak: How lame can you get?

Verbatim from an eDM (that's an electronic direct mailer for all your non-marketing and non-advertising folks, aka SPAM) by Zapak.com which landed up in my inbox today:

World's No. 1 Casual Game -- ZUMA

It's time to do the unthinkable
Beat the Sun God himself! Shoot the magical balls and stop the deadly chain from reaching the golden skull. Be quick, be smart. You gotta fight with your brains.
[...]
It's time to get tribal!
[...]

Hmmm, casual games. Never heard of those before. From the Wikipedia entry:

The term casual game is used to refer to a category of electronic or computer games targeted at a mass audience. Casual games usually have a few simple rules and an engaging game design, making it easy for a new player to begin playing the game in just minutes.

Right. And I get the beat the Sun God himself?! Whoa! Awesome! I'm just dying to do that. Especially with graphics like this:

And talk about "magic balls" and the "deadly chain". Preposterous. Sexually offending!

I just hope some random Surya Devtaa Bhakt Samiti finds this offensive and files a suit in some Rajasthan or Ghaziabad court against Zapak. At least the rest of us will be saved from having to go "tribal"!

Priorities?

Although most SEO tips out there need to be taken with a pinch of salt, most search engines (and people) think of your page title as a one line summary of your page. It's amusing to see our "national" dailies scrambling over to primarily associate themselves with cricket, Bollywood, and suchlike. Sample it for yourself...

Hindustan Times wants to associate itself with the "Latest news on India,Cricket,Bollywood & Business"

Times of India wants to associate itself with "Breaking news, views, reviews, cricket from across India."

View the source and look at the meta tags...

Hindustan Times has "Vir Sanghvi" up there in the list of it's meta tags! WTF?

And, as expected: "ht,hindustan times, aaj tak, rediff, indian express, zee, ndtv, indya, star tv" in the meta tags of the Times of India!

Actually this is not something new -- lots of companies bid for it's competitor's AdWords. Till some time back, a Google search on MakeMyTrip would give a Yatra ad on the top, a search on Yatra would give a Cleartrip ad on top, and a search on Cleartrip would give a Yatra ad on top (or some other combination like that)!

Runaway Alarm Clocks

It seems my long lost "mad scientist" twin brother has been inventing gadgets that I desperately need. He also seems to be getting a lot of Slashdot coverage, somethingh which I can only dream of. What a pity!

With alarm clocks running all over the place they would soon need "toll" booths for them. Heh!

Btw -- is there a patent for this thing?

Crossword-Ware

Last night I was solving day before yesterday's crossword (can't wait for a day to see the solution!) and figured out a 7 letter uber cool "across" word. The next 60 minutes were spent trying to force fit a whole bunch of "down" clues to the 7 letters I had already put in there.

Frustrated, I picked up yesterday's newspaper (I was solving day before yesterday's crossword, remember?) to glance through the solution, only to realize how completely wrong I was with my uber cool word.

It just reminded me how often we do this in software. Get one big module/component of the entire solution working and try to force fit all the other pieces around it. Gleefully ignoring the fact that the central piece, though ostensibly correct, may be the culprit holding up the entire process.

Thus, I coin a new term "Crossword-Ware". You heard it here, first.

Review: Bheja Fry

I was going to write a glowing review about Bheja Fry, but then I read Rashmi's post , and came to know that it's been copied from a French film - "Le Dîner de cons"

Now, I'm a sucker for originality. When people were raving about Chachi 420 (Kamal Hasan's take on Mrs. Doubtfire), I was pissed that it was "inspired" from a Hollywood flick.

And after laughing my ass off for two hours last night, I don't like the fact that Bheja Fry is a "remake."

Anyways, that doesn't take away the fact that everyone's acted amazingly well. Vinay Pathak steals the show, but Rajat Kapoor also rocks. However, Ranveer Shorey was a tad wasted with that forced look on his face. What was the director thinking?

I'm sure no one will be able to pull off such a good comic character in the coming year. If Vinay Pathak doesn't get an award for this role, film awards pe jo thoda vishwaas hai, woh bhi uth jaayega!

"Dauda Dauda Bhaga Bhaga Sa" by Juhi Babbar

Went to see this play yesterday at Prithvi Theater. Hilarious! And the most interesting part was, even when I was laughing to the comic stuff going on in front of me, I was well aware of the fact that had this been in a movie, I would be pulling my hair out in sheer frustration. But the spontaneity and "liveness" (just invented this for the want of a better word) -- was keeping the audience in splits.

And not to forget a freak incident at the beginning of the play. A lively Juhi Babbar comes hopping (literally) on to the stage and greets the people with an irritably lively hello, and all. She repeatedly asks the audience to switch off their mobile phones and leaves. Suddenly a phone whimpers a stupid ring tone from somewhere. Juhi comes stomping back shouting

Juhi: Who was that?
The lights are switched back on rudely. She points out a lady who's trying to switch off her cellphone.
Lady: I'm putting it on vibration.
Juhi: No ma'am. Please switch it off.
Lady (visibly irritated): I'm putting it on vibration!
Juhi: Can you guarantee that when it vibrates inside your bag and makes a buzzing sound it won't disturb others in my audience?
Lady (shouting now): What do you mean? You want me to write it on a stamp paper or something?
Her friends start getting up with murmurs of "how rude" and "what the fuck" and related stuff.
Juhi: Yes. If you can do that.
Lady: This is shit! (etc.etc.)
Juhi: Please leave the hall RIGHT NOW!
Lady (now leaving the hall): I don't want to watch your play. I want my money back.
Juhi (shouting out to the staff): Ramu Kaka (that's not what she said -- but what the heck!) Inke paise abhi waapas kar do!

And the lady with her two friends leave the hall only to appear on the stage! One of the best April Fool jokes I've seen in the recent past! And what a way to liven up the audience and start a laugh riot of a play!

And talking of April Fool pranks, GMail Paper from the gods! The "it's not even funny" part is that Google is a company which can actually pull off something like that! Rock on!

Trip Treasures

Can anyone guess what this is?

Found it on my recent trip to Kolaba Fort...

Kihim, Nagaon, and Alibaug Weekend Getaway

Last weekend (March 24 & 25) I scooted off to Kihim beach for a quiet getaway. It was good. Nothing compared to Goa beaches, but good, nevertheless. Heh, you can't expect to get anything better once you've seen the best :P

Uploaded some pics on FlickR (go forward in the photostream from this link).

Thanks to Dubey, I've learnt to click silhouettes on automatic digital cameras as well! You'll see LOTS of them in my current pics :P

Saw Kihim beach, Kolaba fort, and Nagaon beach. Kihim beach was a bit boring -- no frikkin' beer shops anywhere in sight. What's a beach without beer, I say! Nagaon was HUGE! And the winds were pretty knotty. Check out the video on YouTube. The ground is not inclined. It's the fucking wind causing the beer can to roll like that!

The best parts were
a) the ferry ride (a first for me),
b) the dare-devil loading and unloading of bikes from the ferry,
c) the lovely sunset at Kihim beach,
d) walking through the marshes in low tide to reach the Kolaba fort,
e) the vast expanse of Nagaon beach.

Select pics...

I Run Maidaan...

After years of wait... after so much of hype... it turned out that a local college circuit band was better than the Beast! A classic case of ghar ki murgi daal baraabar!

Seriously, I thought Parikrama, who opened to Iron Maiden, were better than the Beasts themselves.

Maiden was opened by three bands:
1. F.T.N -- winner of some all India college band competition
2. Parikrama
3. Cauren Harris -- who?

F.T.N. were acting like a bunch of wannabes on stage. And I never quite liked the growling kind of music anyways.

Parikrama rocked with an all original line up. And the lead singer made a snide remark on the critics calling them a "cover band" at the end of their show. They're coming next week to Bangalore again. In an IIPM (yes, the same Arindam "Dare to think beyond the IIMs" Chaudhari's IIPM) college fest. Wonder who'll go to listen to them again!

Cauren Harris was a blood sucker. Straw laga kar ek litre khoon choos gayi sabka. She was like, Britney Spears Learns To Rock! The crowd was continuously booing her off stage with chants of "Fuck Off", "Fuck Off Bitch", "Cauren, Cauren, Who the Fuck is Cauren?" But she continued her torture for a full 45 mins!

After half an hour of that... Maiden came on stage to a cheering and ecstasic crowd. With blinking red lights on stage, and a sea of blue mobile phone hues in the audience. All jumping, craning, and stomping on the hapless fellow in front of them to capture THE moment.

Three new songs from "A Matter of Life And Death" which I did not know at all. Add to that a FUCKED up sound system. Seriously. I'm not joking. And I was not the only one who felt that. I had recently been to the Roger Waters show in Mumbai. And I was literally surrounded in a sea of sound. The sound quality at the yesterday's Maiden show was like a good quality college fest. What a let down.

I don't know. Probably I'm getting old. Probably my music taste is changing. Saala paaglon waala enthu nahin bacha in sab cheezon ke liye... But fuck I came down from Mumbai for just this gig. It was okay.

Free Speech.

Rashmi Bansal says in her post titled "The Orkut Party Ends"

[...]you have to be responsible for what you say online[...]

Completely agree.

But you don't need to be forced to apologize for hating India.
...or loving Pakistan.
...saying you don't like the political views of Gandhi.
...speak out against the reservation politics.
...lashing out against the latest Deepa Mehta flick (no one ever went to jail for that!)
...joining the "I Hate Himesh "Nasal Drops" Reshammiya" on Orkut.
...or being prosecuted under the law for "hurting national sentiments" if you think that playing the national anthem in movie theaters is a stupid idea.

The only good that can come of this law is that, people who fake identities -- putting up a fake profile of a girl, putting up a fake profile of a teacher, etc. -- will get caught faster.

But what's stopping the next political leader from jailing the moderator of the "I hate XYZ Political Party" tomorrow?

Nothing. Exactly.

That's why this is bad. Very bad.

Why Microsoft is Bad for Computer Education.

I used to be a fanatic anti-Microsoft (or anti-M$ to some) spokesperson. There was a time in college when I used to hate everything Microsoft. Soon after I tasted Linux for the first time during (yes during) my 12th standard boards -- and managed to get X working on my SiS VGA card -- I uninstalled Windows from my machine. And have taken pride in the fact that since then Windows ke liye mere computer ke darwaaze hamesha hamesha ki liye band ho gaye hain!

But later, during my job, I realised that there are places that still require Windows. Some places where Windows actually does a better job that Linux (operatibility with LCD projectors, one; presentation software, two). Therefore I found myself shifting to Microsoft Powerpoint on a Windows machine for making a client presentation whenever I needed to.

However, I still held the strong opinion that Windows users are on average "dumber" than Linux users. And I don't mean dumber in the IQ kind of sense. I mean "dumber" because they don't know what's happening under the hood. It's just like you and I, or the average person off the street, would be dumber about cars than an average car mechanic.

And my opinion was reinforced last week. Microsoft is bad for computer education.

I had recently gone to a college to recruit freshers for the tech team at Cleartrip. (It wasn't any of the IITs or RECs.) We were interviewing final year BE students (IT/CS/EE streams). A few were with a work ex. of one year or so.

I was stunned, and I mean absolutely STUNNED, when people who claimed to have worked on their college website did not know what a URL meant when I asked them for it! When people who had claimed to work on e-shopping carts could not tell me exactly how sessions were maintained.

And these are not your typical B.Com. + GNIIT kind of students. These are people who would, in a matter of months, be passing out with a computer engineering degree. They would become part of the so called "talent pool" of India.

Out of the 15 people I interviewed (there were about 45 divided amongst three interview panels), not a single person was able to write a program that generated the Fibonacci series!

No one was able to tell me what IDE they use to write C/C++ programs. After a series of indirect questiononing (what are the steps you do before you start writing your program, etc) only some were able to tell me that they used something called "tc" (Turbo C). No one had heard of "bc" (Borland C). I didn't bother asking about BloodShed.

Apparently, their college lab had only Windows installed. For four years they had been fed on a staple diet of .Net, ASP, C#, VB, VB.net, and what M$ technology have you. Where you simply right clicked on an HTML form control and set its property to hidden instead of learning that was happening under the hood. Where you didn't care what cookies or URL rewriting was – the session object just worked.

No one had seen a Linux command prompt ever, despite of having done a theoretical course on Unix.

Average Joe users can get by without knowing the innards of a computer.

Computer engineers can't.

Had the students been exposed to the Linux command prompt, they would've been introduced to an IDE, after they would've gone through the pain of writing a C program in a powerful text editor (like emacs), and then compiling and linking it by hand.

Had they been writing CGI scripts in Perl or web programming in PHP, they would've known how HTML forms work; the difference between GETs and PUTs. Some of them might've been exposed to more than one broweser, and the bad world of browser inconsistencies out there, and how to get around them (and over a period of time, most websites would work!)

Microsoft has kicked in a vicious circle of dumbing down the users. I'm sure the students were so clueless partly because their teachers were. And guess what OS the teachers had used in their college days?

I'm not saying that Linux is absolutely bare bones and you get no level of abstraction on it. It has multiple desktop systems. It has good IDEs. It has pretty mature WYSIWYG office suites. It has the best browser :)

You can raise dumb users on Linux. But it would be goddamn hard to do it.

Linux induces a sense of play. A sense of adventure. It encourages you to look under the hood. Millions of lines of open source code are an invitation to the inquisitive minds of college students to come, play!

And I'm not saying that you can't raise smart computer engineers Windows. But it would be goddamn hard to do it.

The evidence proves it.

(PS: We're still looking for freshers, or people with under one year experience to join our tech team. Drop me your resume nanda at cleartrip dot com in case you're interested, or know someone who is. )

Best "down for maintenance" message!

Made me chuckle so loud that everyone in the room turned to see...



See if it's still there.

Indian Website Usability Report

JuxtConsult has come up with a report on the "user friendliness" of Indian websites. The Business Standard reports:

Of the 26 user-friendly websites, 12 websites - Shopping, Shaadi, Yatra, HSBC, Jobstreet, Ebay, Spicejet, Travelguru, SimplyMarry, Citibank, Reliance and Samsung - are in the ‘best practice group’, scoring more than 95 per cent points. Websites in the 85 to 95 per cent range qualified in the ‘user-friendly group’ included Naukri, Amazon, Bharatmatrimony, ICICI Bank, HDFC, NSE, Timesjobs, Rediff shopping, SBI, Indiabulls and BSE.

Of the remaining 95 websites tested, 45 websites’ (37 per cent) performance was average, qualifying in the ‘just about satisfactory group,’. This group also has some of the most popular sites, including Hotmail, Yahoo email, Gmail, Air Deccan, Jet Airways, Kingfisher, Monster, Jobsahead, Makemytrip, Cleartrip and social networking sites like Orkut and Hi5.

Nearly 42-50 per cent websites performed below-average and were classified in the ‘need definite improvement group.’ They included recently acquired website by Google, Youtube, besides online majors like Yahoo portal, Wikipedia, Indian railway booking site IRCTC, banking site ICICI Direct and content sites, Money Control and Times Of India.

Before I go ahead with literally bashing this "study", check out the way JuxtConsult has defined the "User Friendliness Index (UFI)" and "usability" (emphasis mine):

User Friendliness Index 2007 is a study to evaluate and classify top 121 highly popular websites in India based on their User Friendliness Index (UFI). UFI of these websites was calculated by evaluating them on 32 individual criteria grouped under 6 different ‘usability' aspects. The 6 usability aspects are ‘branding', ‘navigation structure and added features', ‘website design' ‘company and contact info', ‘contact responsiveness' and ‘technical parameters'. The findings compare each site's UFI score within their own individual category as well as against the entire universe of 121 highly popular websites on each of the 6 usability aspect.

The top item on their list of usability features is branding! Would anyone please tell me just how can branding be a part of website usability? Sure, branding can play a huge role in buiding website popularity and thus the user base, but surely not usability.

The second thing on their list is the vaguely named "navigation structure and added features." Kudos to them for considering the navigation structure of a website in determining it's usability, but added features? Any designer worth his salt will know that a multitude of features, does not add up to usability. Anyone stuck with a feature loaded mobile phone (2 megapixel camera, MP3 player, FM radio, games, bluetooth, infrared, etc. etc.) will know how fucking hard it is to send a simple text message or update the contact book. Getting to the much touted camera or MP3 player in a Nokia N70 which I happened to play with recently required much fiddling and up to five clicks! IMHO the "One button" Nokia phones were the most usable of them all -- Nokia 1100 being the best.

Sure, you can't roll out a product or website with limited or lame features. But blindly adding features over your competitions is not going to make your website more usable. This "Feauritis Curve" from the Creating Passionate Users Blog sums it all up:



How did "contact responsiveness" feature in a website usability study? Contact responsiveness or availabilty of customer service representatives can be used to measure a customer satisfaction index (CSI, if you please) -- but not a frikkin' UFI! The classis case is Cleartrip, where the website is miles ahead of its competitiors (Yatra, TravelGuru, MakeMyTrip, etc.) in usability, but the customer service (or contact responsiveness) simply sucks. That's because the customer care numbers given on the website are mostly engaged. Now, just because the customer care sucks how can you pull down the website for its usability?

(Disclaimer: I work at Cleartrip in the tech team. I know the customer care numbers are usually engaged because we are working with a lesser number of telephone lines. We will shortly be increasing the number of telephone lines after which, even that will change.)

Please go through the list of websites they have put under the 'just about satisfactory group' and 'need definite improvement group.' Yahoo email? GMail? Cleartrip? (Yes, that one's personal!) Youtube? Yahoo Portal? (THE Yahoo Portal? In the 'definite improvement group'? Who's tabbed homepage design is being poorly copied by the indian portals out there!)

And special mention to Wikipedia, which is in the 'needs definite improvement group'. It's a fucking Wiki! It brought in a whole new paradigm where anyone could edit anything on the web. It's in the 'needs definite improvement group'! I mean, what the fuck?!

And compare these to the list of "user-friendly group" websites --

• Naukri? (Hey, where's the job ad? Oh! It's there! Right among a gazillion other banner ads, and text ads! And oh, what's this -- I've got a billion new windows open?! Ah forget it, I'm just fine with this job...)
• State Bank of India -- I would request the reader to please go to the SBI website and search for the SBI branch in Lower Parel, Mumbai. Was it easy? Was it frustrating? Do let me know.
• Indiabulls -- the last time I checked many of my friends who had been lured into an Indiabulls life time free trading account were abandoning it in droves because of their utterly non-usable trading tool. (Runs as a Java applet)
  
• Bombay Stock Exchange -- Another website which forces the user to start of a Java VM every time they visit the home page. The bloody home page contains a Java applet. (Note: Java applets are bad, for starters, because they slow down the website from loading. And making the users wait is bad usability IMHO. Making the users wait for the home page to load, is harakiri! Try the BSE website here.)
  

The sad part about such reports is that many folks out there will believe them. And we will continue to get poorly designed webpages which clutter their homepages with flashing banner ads, do not work in all browsers, use proprietary ActiveX controls, have javascript which works only in Internet Explorer and use Java applets on home pages!

Had these JuxtConsult fellows gone through at least the Top Ten Mistakes in Web Design before coming up with such a report, they wouldn't have put SimplyMarry in the top 26 most usable websites. I rest my case.

Fighting back!

Two hard hitting blog threads in one day.

Hawkeye and his wife fight back against a "goonish" milk vendor for overcharging and then harassing customers who dare to question his behaviour. Read about his ongoing battle here. Very inspiring. (Currently there are seven posts on his blog giving updates on the situation. Use the archive links on the right bar to go through all of them).

N has a complete update of how she fought back against sexual harrasment in her office. Read about it here. (Scroll down to the post entitled "The Right Kind of Strong" and read upwards from there).

Review: Guru

The very first thing I noticed about this movie was the atrocious music. Seriously, the music sucks! I couldn't believe that A.R. Rehman could come up with such tracks. I always think about how many number of distinct musical tracks can there be in the world. Probably Rehman has exhausted his quota of the good ones.

The second thing I noticed was, that all the songs were simply not required. They were not woven into the plot and were probably added on later. All of them, except probably the one which plays in the background whenever Abhiash ( :-) Immense Pleasure Arises) are sharing an intimate moment onscreen.

Abhishek has rocked the movie. Though, I think his character has been a little underdeveloped in the beginning. How does the bijnis bug bite him all of a sudden? He refuses a promotion and salary hike at Shell just like that? The peculiar mannerisms that he's picked up for the character -- standing with a hand on his hip with the coat pushed back, laughing/chuckling with a slight tremor of the shoulders -- are also very well done. The four minute thirty seconds (somebody please time it!) monologue at the end sounds a bit too much like his father, though! Was it meant to be?

Mithun Chakraborty is a good actor. He just has prior commitments to keep the entire Ooty film industry occupied for the rest of his life. He's portrayed the editor-in-chief of "The Independent" wonderfully. A pleasant surprise - kasam paida karne waale ki!

R Madhavan is good too. I found him really irritating in the only other movie of his that I remember (Rehnaa Hai Tere Dil Mein). But he has acted well in Guru. And is looking good too (and I'm not gay!)

The biggest surprise in the movie is Roshan Seth. With hardly 10 mins of screen presence he has delivered such a power-packed performance that it's unbelievable. Is it because he naturally fitted the role so well or is it because he is a very good actor? I don't know. But he simply rocked!

Verdict: Minus the songs (specially the misplaced, mistimed, and mistuned drunken orgy after child birth) the movie would've been much better. A sure watch, nonetheles.

Review: Salaam-e-Ishq

A little late to review the film, but what the heck?!

• Akshaye Khanna-Ayesha Takia: The best track IMHO, with Akshaye taking all the lines, screen space, and credit. He was simply amazing. Especially the part when he's recording his "break-off message" on the handycam. Hilarious! Ayesha was painted with excess makeup and since she ended up looking horrible, she was punished and asked to stand in the corner for the rest of the film! (One of my friends tells me that, both, Akshaye & Ayesha have worn a Mayo College t-shirt in one of the scenes. Couldn't spot it. If you do, please let me know/send me screenshot).
• Anil Kapoor-Juhi Chawla: This track was good too. The subject of marital boredom was treated very well for a Bollywood movie. And the "bollywood dance" by the "other woman" (don't know her name) was HOT! Age has finally caught up with Anil Kapoor, even though he looks good with his new look in the movie. Juhi's performance was good too, underplayed and subtle.
  
• Salman-Priyanka: This track was the bloodsucker of them all. Why, oh, why, I pray was this included in the movie? Chop off the entire track and it doesn't make one bit of a difference to the entire plot. I think this was added after the script had been finalized. In the climax scene, at the wedding, everyone's presence was well woven into the story except Salman and Priyanka's. What the fuck was Salman doing at the marriage in the first place? And will someone please tell him that apart from looking like a dork he sounds like a one too. (Checkout his fake accent whenever he speaks!)
  
• Sohail Khan-Isha Kopikar: The comedy track. Sohail Khan redoing the "Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya" bit. But it was funny. Hurrr....
• John Abhram-Vidya Balan: Could've been much better had it not been for John Abraham. His entire repository of emotions consists of exactly two facial expressions. Watch him closely and you'll understand! The only movie he has passed off with some decent acting is Viruddh (which, in fact, is a must see). On second thoughts, the plot for this track was also a bit underdeveloped.
• Govinda-Shannon: Hmmm... is this the best track or is the Akshaye-Ayesha track the best? I guess it's a tie. Govinda rocks! He simply does! "Maidum" and "Saal we" was amazing. The scene on the Laksham Jhoola at Rishikesh reminded me of a trekking trip to Kuwanri Pass (we had halted overnight at Rishikesh, I still remember standing right in the middle of the jhoola and looking up in awe at the lovely sky and the number of start we could see). The way the track ended was a bit over the top, but what the hell, everything's fair in love and war; and love is blind; etc.
  

All in all, a good movie. If you haven't already, watch it once. Minus the stupid songs and the Salman-Priyanka track it would've been shorter and less blood sucking!

Air Deccan or Air Dhakkan?

Shankar's post on his Air Deccan misery prompted me to blog about my own horrible experience with Air Deccan. So, here goes...

My fateful flight, DN-603, from Delhi to Mumbai was scheduled to depart at 3:00 in the afternoon. At around 11:00 AM I get an SMS from Air Deccan that the flight was delayed and would now take off at 5:30 PM. At 4:00 PM, I get another SMS, flight late, departing at 7:30 now. At 6:30 PM we reached the airport and from the Air Deccan counter came to know that the flight was further delayed and would now depart at 8:00 PM. After some time another SMS, flight late (again?!), departure at 8:30!

One interesting thing that I noted at the airport was, that even though so many flights were getting delayed and/or cancelled, it was only Air Deccan check-in counters that had long winding queues, commotion, and total chaos. Just a sample of the cluelessness of tha Air Deccan officials:

Random DN-603 Passenger: Madam, yeh flight kitne baje take-off karegi?
Check-in counter lady: Aath baje. (8 O' Clock)
Me: Par mere ko toh SMS aaya hai ki sadhe-aath baje (8:30 PM) hai departure?!
Check-in counter lady: Hain?! Ek min zara SMS dikhaiye...
(I handed over my phone with the SMS on the screen, she scrolls through it).

Check-in counter lady: Haan 8:30 par depart karegi. SMS aaya hoga na aapko bhi?
(Random DN-603 passenger leaves with a confused, amused, bewildered, hairaan, pareshaan, look!)

After the check-in and security check was over, we were subject to an endless wait. 8:30 PM swooshed by. No announcement. No SMS. No information whatsoever.

And then, with a stupid magazine in hand (Men's Health! What the hell was I thinking?!) I slowly dozed off on the swanky new Delhi Airport chairs.

I was awoken suddenly to a lot of noise. In the few seconds between breaking out from my dream world and snapping back to reality, I realized that the noise actually was chants of "Air Deccan hai hai!" The entire airport lounge was taking out a morcha against the airlines! I was zapped! I mean, WTF?!

And today I realized that this kind of shit has happened before with Air Deccan!

Anyways, the flight finally took off at 10:30 PM amidst a lot of (sarcastic) applause from the passengeres and embarrased smiles from the air hostesses.

Primary moral of the story is, if the price difference is very little, dump Air Deccan. Secondary moral of the story is that at least these buggers SMS you well in time, that the flight is going to be late.

Mumbai food sucks!

This side of the country has the suckiest food... ever. Period. No debate about that. It's not quite south, it's not quite north, it's some random "mash-up" gone horribly wrong!

My pet peeve is that Mumbaikars don't know what a sookha bhaaji means. Go to any wayside restaurant, order a plate of mix veg and you'll get potatoes, peas, and carrots floating around in a red coloured slurry. Order chana masaala, and you get boiled chhole (white coloured chickpea) in the same red coloured gravy. Paneer tikka masaala -- same gravy. Paneer handi -- same. Kadhai paneer -- ditto. Veg Kolhapuri, sounds like an authentic Maharathi dish, but no! Same goddam red curry! And it tastes awful. Yechh!

They make a mess out of North Indian food. Which is sort of understandable. But order any South Indian dish and the accompanying sambhar (which is the thing you need to get right) is a semi sweet, semi solid piece of mess.

Don't even bother trying out the paani-puri at chowpati -- sucks! I've had much better and much cheaper paani-puri in Kanpur. They're called gol-gappas up in the north and they can give the Mumbai paani-puri a run for its money. Fifteen (or twenty) bucks to six pieces seems to be the norm here in Mumbai. Back at IIT Kanpur (in front of Hall 3) we used to have five of them for Rs 2.50! Seriously. And after two years when inflation caugh up, the fellows increased their prices.... to Rs 3.00!

So you're only left with Marathi cuisine. Which, IMHO, is virtually non-existent. The only Marathi thing I've eater here is Missal/Ussal Paav which is not that bad. But, heck, how long can you keep eating dried peas and daal-moth in spicy curry?

The only saving grace in Mumbai is the rasta sandwiches and the rasta bhel. The sandwiches at that price simply ROCK! I'm especially fond of the ones I used to have right ouside Star TV's Mahalaxmi office.

And please don't tell me that I'm eating at the wrong restaurants. Sure, if I go to a swanky restaurant every time I need to eat my lunch, I'll probably get a better deal with the food. But swanky restaurant make not the local cuisine. ITC hotels all around the world are going to serve the same Dal Bhukhari. It's the wayside restaurants, the dhabas, the samosa-cutting corners which make the difference...

Rainbow FM: Rocks!

FM Radio -- the only saving grace of Mumbai. Minus that, the 30 min commute in the crawling traffic, amidst the early morning smog, would be a major pain in the ass!

And the crown jewel, of the eight or so channels my borrowed T.Sonic 610 receieves, is the unheard of government operated channel called Rainbow FM. Seriously! The best collection of music (the early morning english show, late afternoon ghazals, evening english show, etc.); the hourly news round ups in Hindi, which remind you of medium wave radio; sensible RJs; and lack of advertisements.

While Rainbow FM is busy concentrating on music, other channels are busy putting up posters in the Mumbai local trains, coming up with funky radio ads, and playing "Crazy Kiya Re" for the three-millionth-twenty-two-thousandth-three hunderedth-seventy-second time!

The only thing that I'm afraid of is Rainbow FM "going the Go FM way." I hope not! But the lack of advertisements means that it's inevitable. Unless the government keeps subsidising the channel to preserve the "culture of good music." Seriously, if the government can dole out subsidies for Haj pilgrims, this is a much better thing to subsidise IMHO!

If you're in Mumbai give Rainbow FM (107.1 MHz) a shot -- you'll love it!

Fixing the Air Deccan website on Firefox

The wacky geek in me got the better of me this morning. Instead of spending the customary 30 mins reading up news on Google Reader, I spent my time fixing up the b0rked up Air Deccan website.

The Air Deccan website is broken due to poorly written Javascript and HTML which works only in IE. This was not the case some time back when the website used to work in Firefox uptil the payment step. Some recent "upgrades" broke the basic flight search in Firefox as well.

Thanks to the cool Firefox add-on called Greasemonkey you can fire up custom javascript after a website has been loaded. I quickly hacked up a greasemonkey script to fix the air deccan website on Firefox. Simply click on the previous link to install the userscript after you have installed Greasmonkey.

Steps to make the Air Deccan website work in Firefox:

1. Install Greasemonkey
2. Install the userscript to fix the Air Deccan website
3. In case the script doesn't work for you delete all cookies from airdeccan.net and try reloading the page. (Edit > Preferences > Privacy > Cookies > View Cookies. Search for airdeccan.net; select all the cookies and click on the "Remove Cookies" button)

Let me know in case you end up doing Step 3 given above. I'll try to modify the userscript to fix that case as well.

How to know the Greasemonkey script worked?

Before the script


After the script

Now I'll go back to reading the news :)