I've been two weeks into my job now. A lot of new experiences; a totally new environment - a lot to blog about. But unfortunately the only access to the internet I have is from the office, and my contract specifies that anything I create on the company's time will be owned by the company. And I don't like my stuff to be owned by anyone else.
So hang on for some interesting blogs once I get my computer up in shape. Apparently I forget to affix the screws on the hard disk before couriering it to Gurgaon. It must've moving around a lot thrashing up all the parts inside the cabinet. It booted twice once I set it up and hasn't been responding since :-(
Pray for my computer's resurrection...
Friday, June 17, 2005
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Indianizing Technology
"Yeh beech waala button teen baar dabaana hai, fir yeh waale button se is cheez ko doosre number pe laana hai, fir yeh waala button tab tak dabaate raho jab tak jo channel set karna hai wo na aa jaye, fir is beech waale button ko dabaate raho jab tak menu chala na jaaye"**
WheW!! That was me teaching my maid servant how to tune channels in her TV set.
More than 85% of India's population lives in the rural areas. Of the remaining which live in the cities, a large chunk cannot read/write in English. Thus, it can be safely assumed that a HUGE consumer base (~90%) in India is not familiar with the language of the queen.
Why then, do all the consumer electronic goods have instruction manuals, remotes, online menus, etc. in English?
I realized this fact when my maid servant asked me to teach her how to tune channels in her TV set and the entire procedure mentioned above had to be repeated for Channels #1, #2 and #3 till she mastered it!
I checked out the language options on the TV and the menus were available in either English or Vietnamese! WTF? IIRC the TV was some weird brand ("Igo" or something) - but come on, Vietnamese? In place of Hindi? For a product in India?
The other tough part was the remote control. None of the button were marked in Hindi. So she has to remember them by their shape or position - "Beech waala, gol waala, side waala, oopar waala, neecha waala..." - you get the point.
With almost all the companies targeting rural markets, a serious thought should be given to remote controls with markings in both, Hindi and English, and online menus in Hindi by default (so that one doesn't have to call in the service engineer to change the language).
It was sad to explain a very literate and educated woman how to operate the TV in such a way.
PS: Just before posting this entry, I checked out my Sony Trinitron. It has a remote control with only English markings and language options for the menus are - English and Arabic!
**Translated to English - "Press this button in the center thrice, then press this button to get this thing to the second position, then keep pressing this button till you get the required channel, finally press the button in the center again to make the menu disappear" :-D
Monday, April 25, 2005
An Open Letter to Haldiram's
To,
The Customer Care Cell,
Haldiram Manufacturing Co. Pvt. Ltd,
Delhi-Jaipur Highway,
Village Kherki-Daula
Gurgaon - 122 001 (Haryana)
Sub: Haldiram Chips Paprika Flavour - A Human Rights, Economical, and Environmental Perspective
Dear Sir/Ma'am,
I would like to bring to your notice that I bought and consumed a Haldiram's Chips packet which claimed to be of the Paprika flavour. I would also like to bring to your kind notice that shortly before buying the Chips packet I had written a 1500 word end semester examination for the course SOC486 entitled "Human Rights Theory and Practice." I would also like to bring to your kind notice the extreme form of Human Rights Violation (HRV*) both these activities caused to me.
But before I delve into that aspect, I believe it is my constitutional right to bicker about the price of the packet of chips. By back of the packet calculations (literally), charging Rs 15 for 36 grams of chips means that they have costed me Rs 416 per kg. Now this is a serious violation of the rights of the Nuts and Dry Fruits Association of India (NDFAI). As the official spokesperson I would like to remind you that the NDFAI holds Patent No. 34124568 which grants it the exclusive right "To charge more than what it's worth" (TM). Infact, not only are you overcharging your customers, you are also violating international patent law and in principle are using our trademarked slogan. As all the redressal forums in India, including but not limited to, the civil courts, the criminal courts, and the conusmer court, are ineffective; for this grave violation of the law I curse you that may your soul go to hell!
Coming back to the Human Rights perspective, I claim a compensation of US $4,32,45,109 for HRV under Art. 13 and Art. 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR).
Article 13: Everyone has the right to freedom of movement and residence within the borders of each state.
This infact is a pre-emptive claim, much like the pre-emptive strikes the world powers are indulging in nowadays. I am sure, and infact certain, that by consuming the aforementioned Paprika Chips I will suffer from gastronomical disorders which shall severly limit my freedom of movement. And as a double blow to my Human Rights, my state of mind shall be forcefully transformed from mildly erratic to that of the state of duress, thus violating my right to residence within the borders of each state.
Article 19: Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression...
By consuming the Paprika Chips I feel my right to freedom if opinion & expression has been severly violated. All I can think of, opine about, and express is that horrible taste in my mouth and the sheer amount of money I had to spend to buy that wretched packet of chips. I am neither able to hold any particular opinion about or express my thoughts about the things that are of dear interest to me (which almost always is the opposite sex, but that is a different matter altogether).
Also, as a (much absent) student of Environmenal Engineering and Psychology, I claim that by forcefully packaging an utterly brainless "game" of Free Rumble Tumble with the chips made out of non-biodegradeable plastic you are
(i) Causing a widespread lowering of IQs of the youth of the nation. This has now assumed almost epidemic proportions, with other chips manufacturing companies being hit by similar diseases (albeit with different strains of mindless games).
(ii) Causing unnecessary environmental damage by releasing toxic plastics into the environment. As a free first counsel, I would suggest a Life Cycle Assessment (LCA) and Environmental Impact Analysis (EIA) of you product to lessen this adverse environmental impact. Contact me at 555-4523 for further consultancy (I usually charge $3000 an hour).
Having said all that, I am now truly convinced that your product Haldirams Chips Paprika flavour is not merely a Fast Moving Consumed Good. It is an extremely well camouflaged WMD with far reaching effects on HRV, economies of various nations, psychological and environmental impact.
Hence, I would request Mr. George W. Bush to please "Smoke 'em Out" (TM). Each one of them, Bloody Haldirams Chips Paprika Flavour! FREEDOM AND GLORY TO ALL! LONG LIVE THE LAND OF THE FREE! HAIL AMERICA!!
Thank you,
Sincerely yours,
Saurabh Nanda.
The Customer Care Cell,
Haldiram Manufacturing Co. Pvt. Ltd,
Delhi-Jaipur Highway,
Village Kherki-Daula
Gurgaon - 122 001 (Haryana)
Sub: Haldiram Chips Paprika Flavour - A Human Rights, Economical, and Environmental Perspective
Dear Sir/Ma'am,
I would like to bring to your notice that I bought and consumed a Haldiram's Chips packet which claimed to be of the Paprika flavour. I would also like to bring to your kind notice that shortly before buying the Chips packet I had written a 1500 word end semester examination for the course SOC486 entitled "Human Rights Theory and Practice." I would also like to bring to your kind notice the extreme form of Human Rights Violation (HRV*) both these activities caused to me.
But before I delve into that aspect, I believe it is my constitutional right to bicker about the price of the packet of chips. By back of the packet calculations (literally), charging Rs 15 for 36 grams of chips means that they have costed me Rs 416 per kg. Now this is a serious violation of the rights of the Nuts and Dry Fruits Association of India (NDFAI). As the official spokesperson I would like to remind you that the NDFAI holds Patent No. 34124568 which grants it the exclusive right "To charge more than what it's worth" (TM). Infact, not only are you overcharging your customers, you are also violating international patent law and in principle are using our trademarked slogan. As all the redressal forums in India, including but not limited to, the civil courts, the criminal courts, and the conusmer court, are ineffective; for this grave violation of the law I curse you that may your soul go to hell!
Coming back to the Human Rights perspective, I claim a compensation of US $4,32,45,109 for HRV under Art. 13 and Art. 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR).
Article 13: Everyone has the right to freedom of movement and residence within the borders of each state.
This infact is a pre-emptive claim, much like the pre-emptive strikes the world powers are indulging in nowadays. I am sure, and infact certain, that by consuming the aforementioned Paprika Chips I will suffer from gastronomical disorders which shall severly limit my freedom of movement. And as a double blow to my Human Rights, my state of mind shall be forcefully transformed from mildly erratic to that of the state of duress, thus violating my right to residence within the borders of each state.
Article 19: Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression...
By consuming the Paprika Chips I feel my right to freedom if opinion & expression has been severly violated. All I can think of, opine about, and express is that horrible taste in my mouth and the sheer amount of money I had to spend to buy that wretched packet of chips. I am neither able to hold any particular opinion about or express my thoughts about the things that are of dear interest to me (which almost always is the opposite sex, but that is a different matter altogether).
Also, as a (much absent) student of Environmenal Engineering and Psychology, I claim that by forcefully packaging an utterly brainless "game" of Free Rumble Tumble with the chips made out of non-biodegradeable plastic you are
(i) Causing a widespread lowering of IQs of the youth of the nation. This has now assumed almost epidemic proportions, with other chips manufacturing companies being hit by similar diseases (albeit with different strains of mindless games).
(ii) Causing unnecessary environmental damage by releasing toxic plastics into the environment. As a free first counsel, I would suggest a Life Cycle Assessment (LCA) and Environmental Impact Analysis (EIA) of you product to lessen this adverse environmental impact. Contact me at 555-4523 for further consultancy (I usually charge $3000 an hour).
Having said all that, I am now truly convinced that your product Haldirams Chips Paprika flavour is not merely a Fast Moving Consumed Good. It is an extremely well camouflaged WMD with far reaching effects on HRV, economies of various nations, psychological and environmental impact.
Hence, I would request Mr. George W. Bush to please "Smoke 'em Out" (TM). Each one of them, Bloody Haldirams Chips Paprika Flavour! FREEDOM AND GLORY TO ALL! LONG LIVE THE LAND OF THE FREE! HAIL AMERICA!!
Thank you,
Sincerely yours,
Saurabh Nanda.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Post #2 for the day :-)
To Open Source Or Not
Started off with a new team blog called SharpBang - hoping to see some good techno-legal discussions there.
Started off with a new team blog called SharpBang - hoping to see some good techno-legal discussions there.
Masculinity v/s Feminity
I got this thought during our departmental (Civil Engineering) farewell. After the regulars - mimicry of professors, distribution of mementos and awarding of titles, there was something really very unique. We had an actual, live mujraa!! Yes, and don't just think it was any other ordinary mujraa - it was performed by a boy! (Ed: This is your cue for a hysterical WHAT?!!!!)
Yes, an actual guy, second year Civil Engineering student, performed a mujraa on the stage (in front of all the professors) in full mujraa attire. He had a nude coloured lehenga and
choli, with his midriff showing :-p Y'know it's not a good sight - the thick line of coarse hair between the waistline and the navel - Yecch! And his face covered with a chunni. It was some song from the movie Umraao Jaan.
Anyways, apart from being rather amusing and funny, it made me think - why exactly is this amusing and funny? If a girl would've performed a mujraa we would've been worse than dogs salivating for a chewy bone. Well, in case we were not the IITian breed we would've apreciated the art form.
A sensous dance by a woman, is perceived to be feminine. A woman can express her feminity with a dance, with the way she walks, by crying, by being sensitive, by motherhood, by N number of ways.
How can a man express his masculinity? What's the first thing that comes to your mind? Big muscles? Agression? Fist fights? Is that masculinity? Can there be anything a man does which causes people to say "He's so masculine"?
A woman being feminine suddenly conjures up the image of a delicate female in your mind (atleast in my mind :-) - but what about a masculine man? Atleast my mind goes blank.
What comes to yours?
PS: We eventually made that guy take of the chunni and give his introduction. And yes, the mujraa was truly amazing - probably better than what a girl could've done!
Yes, an actual guy, second year Civil Engineering student, performed a mujraa on the stage (in front of all the professors) in full mujraa attire. He had a nude coloured lehenga and
choli, with his midriff showing :-p Y'know it's not a good sight - the thick line of coarse hair between the waistline and the navel - Yecch! And his face covered with a chunni. It was some song from the movie Umraao Jaan.
Anyways, apart from being rather amusing and funny, it made me think - why exactly is this amusing and funny? If a girl would've performed a mujraa we would've been worse than dogs salivating for a chewy bone. Well, in case we were not the IITian breed we would've apreciated the art form.
A sensous dance by a woman, is perceived to be feminine. A woman can express her feminity with a dance, with the way she walks, by crying, by being sensitive, by motherhood, by N number of ways.
How can a man express his masculinity? What's the first thing that comes to your mind? Big muscles? Agression? Fist fights? Is that masculinity? Can there be anything a man does which causes people to say "He's so masculine"?
A woman being feminine suddenly conjures up the image of a delicate female in your mind (atleast in my mind :-) - but what about a masculine man? Atleast my mind goes blank.
What comes to yours?
PS: We eventually made that guy take of the chunni and give his introduction. And yes, the mujraa was truly amazing - probably better than what a girl could've done!
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Of Projects, Report and Presentations!
After three consecutive nightouts, interspersed with a few hours of sleep and 81 pages of typing and formatting, I have finally concluded with concrete evidence that Reports (with the capital R) are an utter waste of time, energy and resources.
This particular Report in question was of the BTP variety. Which, for the uninitiated are truly very important. There won't be many reports one writes where the title page says "A Project Report Submitted in Partial Fulfilment of the Requirements for the Degree of Bachelor of Technology by..." :-)
Anyways, so I was talking about the uselessness of reports. I mean 80 freaking pages - even we (my BTP partner and me) did not proof read it a second time! How can I expect anyone else to read it! I think they should just stick to presentations and a short writeup on the project limited to a maximum of 5 pages.
I think is a big conspiracy orchestrated by the honchos in the paper industry. They've probably got the Directors & HODs of all the reputed institutions on their boards. All of them force the students to submit lengthy reports for "Partial Fulfilment of the Requirements" of their degrees! And the lesser known institutes just follow suit. So there you have it - this entire thing about the paper consumption of this world. It's a conspiracy by the paper companies to create larger and larger markets. Why else would we have to submit three hard copies?! I mean one hard copy and a soft copy! No one reads it anyway!
Bah - forget it!
Accidently, we did the right thing while writing the report in MS Word (yes, I had to use an M$ product!). And that right thing saved us a helluva lot of trouble while creating the Table of Contents, List of Figures and List of Tables. I checked out those features in Openoffice.org and voila - they were there! I was planning to write a tutorial on that with lots of screen shots but couldn't find a good free image hosting service (Bloggerbot/Hello/Picasa works only for Windows :-( ). So the tutorial has been postponed till anyone can tell me a good free image hosting service
This particular Report in question was of the BTP variety. Which, for the uninitiated are truly very important. There won't be many reports one writes where the title page says "A Project Report Submitted in Partial Fulfilment of the Requirements for the Degree of Bachelor of Technology by..." :-)
Anyways, so I was talking about the uselessness of reports. I mean 80 freaking pages - even we (my BTP partner and me) did not proof read it a second time! How can I expect anyone else to read it! I think they should just stick to presentations and a short writeup on the project limited to a maximum of 5 pages.
I think is a big conspiracy orchestrated by the honchos in the paper industry. They've probably got the Directors & HODs of all the reputed institutions on their boards. All of them force the students to submit lengthy reports for "Partial Fulfilment of the Requirements" of their degrees! And the lesser known institutes just follow suit. So there you have it - this entire thing about the paper consumption of this world. It's a conspiracy by the paper companies to create larger and larger markets. Why else would we have to submit three hard copies?! I mean one hard copy and a soft copy! No one reads it anyway!
Bah - forget it!
Accidently, we did the right thing while writing the report in MS Word (yes, I had to use an M$ product!). And that right thing saved us a helluva lot of trouble while creating the Table of Contents, List of Figures and List of Tables. I checked out those features in Openoffice.org and voila - they were there! I was planning to write a tutorial on that with lots of screen shots but couldn't find a good free image hosting service (Bloggerbot/Hello/Picasa works only for Windows :-( ). So the tutorial has been postponed till anyone can tell me a good free image hosting service
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Ragging
I came across this article tonight and it got me thinking of my days of ragging at IITK.
It was a rather smooth sailing for me. Most of the time I was merrily enjoying ragging and grinning away whenever I was made to do anything stupid. I bet I must've been the guy who had utaaroed muski the maximum number of times. It was a rather amusing ritual of swiping your hand off your lips (supposedly wiping off the smile with it) and putting it in your rear end so that it comes out from the front with some cool sound effects!! And this whole act made me go into splits, with the seniors making me repeat the whole exercise all over again!
Ragging at IITK was nothing but fun for me. The seniors couldn't touch you. After the first few hours you realized this fact when all you heard was words and no actions. It was worse at Mayo College (Ajmer) where the seniors could thrash you with hockey sticks and give you PDs (Punishment Drills). Compared to Mayo ragging was fun at IITK.
Simply put, at IITK, ragging is all about building mental pressure on the junior so that he feels cornered or scared. Most of the seniors try their very best to prove to some high ranking fresher that he was not fit to be in IIT - that he had defeated the system somehow and that he was a "fraud" Supposedly, this was to break the ego of the freshers, it was to make them realize that they were among people who had cleared the same exam as themselves and were equally good, or even better!!
Mayo was a different ballgame altogether. I wouldn't call it ragging there - it was more of bullying. How would one differentiate? (a) Ragging is prevalent for a week, two weeks, a month but after the freshers' party is over WHEREAS bullying continues the entire year (b) Ragging is about making the fresher do stupid things, like wearing a belt on his/her head, pretending to fuck a tree, etc WHEREAS bullying is about physical and mental subjugation - making the junior do menial jobs, taking away belongings (called "jacking" in Mayo) and beating/punishment drills if the junior fails to comply.
After being subjected to such a harsh form of bullying in Mayo, IIT was really a nice experience for me. And I just couldn't realize what the fuck were my room mates afraid of? Standing atop a chair and shouting Sholay's dialogues? Or, flying imaginary kites, playing imaginary cricket/badminton/whatever? Or probably they were afraid of the stupid questions that seniors would ask to prove that they were "frauds"? What's the Moment of Inertia of a breast? Hah - trick question moment of inertia can be computed of a rigid body only!
I mean I was probably the only fresher who used to go to the canteen and sit their to be ragged!! It was bloody fun! I got to talk to pretty girls cuz I was being ragged :-) Most of my batchmates would shy away from this!
I don't know whether ragging gave me a special bond with the seniors who ragged me or not - but at least it gave me some acquaintances. After a senior had ragged you for quite some time and you had made him "happy" he was supposed to give you his "intro" and then he was technically forbidden to rag you.
I think ragging up to certain limits should be permissible. You learn to laugh at yourself of all things! Plus under the aegis of ragging you can do so many unimaginable things which a sane person wouldn't dare!
When it was my turn to rag (in my 2nd, 3rd and 4th year), I started off with all the fanfare. Y'know the kind of feeling that it's now one's moral responsibility to rag the juniors and probably to take some form of "revenge" as well. After one or two hour of ragging and one or two juniors down, I realized this whole concept was plain and simple stupid. At least from the perpetrator's point of view. As the raggee its fun but as the ragger you start feeling like a complete idiot trying to seemingly enjoy a bunch of first yearites giving their introduction in chaste Hindi, or wearing their underwears outside their pants, or whatever!!
It's a brainless affair when you're the ragger but a whole lot more enjoyable when you're the raggee!
It was a rather smooth sailing for me. Most of the time I was merrily enjoying ragging and grinning away whenever I was made to do anything stupid. I bet I must've been the guy who had utaaroed muski the maximum number of times. It was a rather amusing ritual of swiping your hand off your lips (supposedly wiping off the smile with it) and putting it in your rear end so that it comes out from the front with some cool sound effects!! And this whole act made me go into splits, with the seniors making me repeat the whole exercise all over again!
Ragging at IITK was nothing but fun for me. The seniors couldn't touch you. After the first few hours you realized this fact when all you heard was words and no actions. It was worse at Mayo College (Ajmer) where the seniors could thrash you with hockey sticks and give you PDs (Punishment Drills). Compared to Mayo ragging was fun at IITK.
Simply put, at IITK, ragging is all about building mental pressure on the junior so that he feels cornered or scared. Most of the seniors try their very best to prove to some high ranking fresher that he was not fit to be in IIT - that he had defeated the system somehow and that he was a "fraud" Supposedly, this was to break the ego of the freshers, it was to make them realize that they were among people who had cleared the same exam as themselves and were equally good, or even better!!
Mayo was a different ballgame altogether. I wouldn't call it ragging there - it was more of bullying. How would one differentiate? (a) Ragging is prevalent for a week, two weeks, a month but after the freshers' party is over WHEREAS bullying continues the entire year (b) Ragging is about making the fresher do stupid things, like wearing a belt on his/her head, pretending to fuck a tree, etc WHEREAS bullying is about physical and mental subjugation - making the junior do menial jobs, taking away belongings (called "jacking" in Mayo) and beating/punishment drills if the junior fails to comply.
After being subjected to such a harsh form of bullying in Mayo, IIT was really a nice experience for me. And I just couldn't realize what the fuck were my room mates afraid of? Standing atop a chair and shouting Sholay's dialogues? Or, flying imaginary kites, playing imaginary cricket/badminton/whatever? Or probably they were afraid of the stupid questions that seniors would ask to prove that they were "frauds"? What's the Moment of Inertia of a breast? Hah - trick question moment of inertia can be computed of a rigid body only!
I mean I was probably the only fresher who used to go to the canteen and sit their to be ragged!! It was bloody fun! I got to talk to pretty girls cuz I was being ragged :-) Most of my batchmates would shy away from this!
I don't know whether ragging gave me a special bond with the seniors who ragged me or not - but at least it gave me some acquaintances. After a senior had ragged you for quite some time and you had made him "happy" he was supposed to give you his "intro" and then he was technically forbidden to rag you.
I think ragging up to certain limits should be permissible. You learn to laugh at yourself of all things! Plus under the aegis of ragging you can do so many unimaginable things which a sane person wouldn't dare!
When it was my turn to rag (in my 2nd, 3rd and 4th year), I started off with all the fanfare. Y'know the kind of feeling that it's now one's moral responsibility to rag the juniors and probably to take some form of "revenge" as well. After one or two hour of ragging and one or two juniors down, I realized this whole concept was plain and simple stupid. At least from the perpetrator's point of view. As the raggee its fun but as the ragger you start feeling like a complete idiot trying to seemingly enjoy a bunch of first yearites giving their introduction in chaste Hindi, or wearing their underwears outside their pants, or whatever!!
It's a brainless affair when you're the ragger but a whole lot more enjoyable when you're the raggee!
Monday, March 28, 2005
(Un) Holy!
Another Holi came and just went by.... just like that. And as usual I got up at 11:30 AM - had my breakfast and went on with my day.
What's the big deal with this festival - I mean is it even a festival? More of a public nuisance actually! Any random stranger can put chemicals fit to cause skin cancer and shout "Bura na maano holi hai!" and expect to get away with it!
Bloody bugger, buraa kaise na manein, you've ruined my clothes and I'll have to spend an hour in the bathroom trying to scrub off this dye that you've poured on my face - and the sweeper will have to scrub the bathroom to get rid of the spots of green, blue and fuschia the next morning... And you want me not to feel buraa about it! Screw you asshole!
And the stupid brats poised precariously on their balconies with those balloons full of colour. Ready to hit any passer by from high above and shout "Holi hai" - bloody assholes. Get a life man!
All that is avoidable. I mean if you get up at noon - the holi mania is almost over and everybody's mom is shouting "Rahul andar aa jao ab - nahin to paani chala jaayega". And the city's water consumption goes up to triple the average consumption and the harmful chemicals in the the wastewater go up by about the same amount.
So basically you can very easily save youself from the (un)holi ordeal - but no one - abso-fucking-lutely no one can save himself (or herself, to please all those feminists) - from the ordeal that takes place on all the freaking chauraahas of the country.
Every freaking chauraaha (crossroad) that you might conceive of, will have a freaking ton of freshly cut wood to burn. "Bhai Holika jalaayenge" Well, it's okay if one god damn Holikaa is burnt in one locality/colony - but it's more like every bloody house has to burn its own freaking Holikaa right on the road in front of it.
It's infuriating! (New word - checked out in the dictionary :-D ) It's bloody annoying! So much wood wasted - for baking stupid chana & ganna.
It should be banned!! And that much of wood left burning overnight screws up the spot on the road where its burnt. The next morning - BANG - there's a big pothole there right in the midddle of the road - thanks to the Holika that was burnt the last night. Who the fuck needs corrupt government official to screw this country. We're doing it ourselves!
Why can't people realize that when they're cutting trees - it's not their own bloody property that they're cutting - it's public property. It's a tree that someone planted 30-35 years ago - that you're cutting. When you plant your own tree - you can cut it after 35 years and bloody burn your Holikaa for 35 more days - I don't fucking care.
But don't you burn Holikaa on every fucking chaurahaa of the city from the very few trees that are left. We can't afford to lose the precious few trees, we can't afford to have the added pollution and we can't fucking afford to have more potholes on the roads!!
What's the big deal with this festival - I mean is it even a festival? More of a public nuisance actually! Any random stranger can put chemicals fit to cause skin cancer and shout "Bura na maano holi hai!" and expect to get away with it!
Bloody bugger, buraa kaise na manein, you've ruined my clothes and I'll have to spend an hour in the bathroom trying to scrub off this dye that you've poured on my face - and the sweeper will have to scrub the bathroom to get rid of the spots of green, blue and fuschia the next morning... And you want me not to feel buraa about it! Screw you asshole!
And the stupid brats poised precariously on their balconies with those balloons full of colour. Ready to hit any passer by from high above and shout "Holi hai" - bloody assholes. Get a life man!
All that is avoidable. I mean if you get up at noon - the holi mania is almost over and everybody's mom is shouting "Rahul andar aa jao ab - nahin to paani chala jaayega". And the city's water consumption goes up to triple the average consumption and the harmful chemicals in the the wastewater go up by about the same amount.
So basically you can very easily save youself from the (un)holi ordeal - but no one - abso-fucking-lutely no one can save himself (or herself, to please all those feminists) - from the ordeal that takes place on all the freaking chauraahas of the country.
Every freaking chauraaha (crossroad) that you might conceive of, will have a freaking ton of freshly cut wood to burn. "Bhai Holika jalaayenge" Well, it's okay if one god damn Holikaa is burnt in one locality/colony - but it's more like every bloody house has to burn its own freaking Holikaa right on the road in front of it.
It's infuriating! (New word - checked out in the dictionary :-D ) It's bloody annoying! So much wood wasted - for baking stupid chana & ganna.
It should be banned!! And that much of wood left burning overnight screws up the spot on the road where its burnt. The next morning - BANG - there's a big pothole there right in the midddle of the road - thanks to the Holika that was burnt the last night. Who the fuck needs corrupt government official to screw this country. We're doing it ourselves!
Why can't people realize that when they're cutting trees - it's not their own bloody property that they're cutting - it's public property. It's a tree that someone planted 30-35 years ago - that you're cutting. When you plant your own tree - you can cut it after 35 years and bloody burn your Holikaa for 35 more days - I don't fucking care.
But don't you burn Holikaa on every fucking chaurahaa of the city from the very few trees that are left. We can't afford to lose the precious few trees, we can't afford to have the added pollution and we can't fucking afford to have more potholes on the roads!!
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Fuck Bill
That's what you feel like doing when two days before the mid sem you spend the whole night watching movies back to back... and not just brainless hindi flicks - you've been watching a Quentin Tarantino film. Two actually - 'cuz they're so damn different you don't know whether you should call the other a sequel.
Yes - I'm talking of the two masterpieces - Kill Bill Vol 1 & 2. Two word review - Fucking Awesome!!
The first scene hit my eyes at precisely 1:10 AM, 9th March 2005 and 5 hours 50 mins later, with the approx 4 hours and two volumes behind me, an hour spend on IMDB fooling around on discussion forums, 30 mins reviewing the awesome scenes and another 20 spent going to take a leak (quite a few leaks actually) - I realized I had screwed Mid Sem II as well!
It's 2:02 PM, 9th March 2005 and with just a day left for the mid sems I am actually listening to the Kill Bill Vol 1 sound track and posting this on my blog!
Fuck man - I must really have gone insane.
Volume I - is full of action - the Kung Fu variety. I remember my brother watching the Friday Fury films on Star Movies every week. Those crappy dubbed Chinese/Jap movies with flying monks and monkey, tiger, crane, dog, bitch, skunk, what-the-goddamn-fuck style of martial arts. And I used to have my weekly ritual of mock puking. But no, not this time. Kill Bill Volume I is one bloody, ghory, martial-arty movie that I've fallen in instant love with.
From the first scene till the last - you're glued to your seat. Tarantino has perfected the art of telling a story and building characters. When The Bride/Black Mamba (Uma Thurman) screams bloody revenge - you want to scream with her, when she cries in pain you want to cry with her, and when she sliced that arm off Sophie - you well, stare in horror! Oh, and then you wonder - does blood really spurt out like a fountain!
I think I'll never find out - anyone want to enlighten me on this.
Where Volume I is fast paced, Volume II is a drawn out with a slower pace and more dialogue. With more emotions other than that of anger and revenge. There's hatred, contempt, and love. Oh well, not to forget the emotion you get when you see an eyeball being squashed by bare foot :-). I can't get a precise word for it!
Tarantino keeps up with the mixed chronological sequence of story-telling (aka Pulp Fiction) - which makes the plot even more interesting.
What's the plot - The Bride (Uma Thurman) wants to take revenge from the Deadly Viper Assassin Group (or something like that) - for screwing her over real bad on her wedding (rehearsal) day. And in particular she wants to Kill Bill!
And I want to Fuck Bill - for fucking up my mid sems.
And while I'm at it - throw in Gates as well :-p
Yes - I'm talking of the two masterpieces - Kill Bill Vol 1 & 2. Two word review - Fucking Awesome!!
The first scene hit my eyes at precisely 1:10 AM, 9th March 2005 and 5 hours 50 mins later, with the approx 4 hours and two volumes behind me, an hour spend on IMDB fooling around on discussion forums, 30 mins reviewing the awesome scenes and another 20 spent going to take a leak (quite a few leaks actually) - I realized I had screwed Mid Sem II as well!
It's 2:02 PM, 9th March 2005 and with just a day left for the mid sems I am actually listening to the Kill Bill Vol 1 sound track and posting this on my blog!
Fuck man - I must really have gone insane.
Volume I - is full of action - the Kung Fu variety. I remember my brother watching the Friday Fury films on Star Movies every week. Those crappy dubbed Chinese/Jap movies with flying monks and monkey, tiger, crane, dog, bitch, skunk, what-the-goddamn-fuck style of martial arts. And I used to have my weekly ritual of mock puking. But no, not this time. Kill Bill Volume I is one bloody, ghory, martial-arty movie that I've fallen in instant love with.
From the first scene till the last - you're glued to your seat. Tarantino has perfected the art of telling a story and building characters. When The Bride/Black Mamba (Uma Thurman) screams bloody revenge - you want to scream with her, when she cries in pain you want to cry with her, and when she sliced that arm off Sophie - you well, stare in horror! Oh, and then you wonder - does blood really spurt out like a fountain!
I think I'll never find out - anyone want to enlighten me on this.
Where Volume I is fast paced, Volume II is a drawn out with a slower pace and more dialogue. With more emotions other than that of anger and revenge. There's hatred, contempt, and love. Oh well, not to forget the emotion you get when you see an eyeball being squashed by bare foot :-). I can't get a precise word for it!
Tarantino keeps up with the mixed chronological sequence of story-telling (aka Pulp Fiction) - which makes the plot even more interesting.
What's the plot - The Bride (Uma Thurman) wants to take revenge from the Deadly Viper Assassin Group (or something like that) - for screwing her over real bad on her wedding (rehearsal) day. And in particular she wants to Kill Bill!
And I want to Fuck Bill - for fucking up my mid sems.
And while I'm at it - throw in Gates as well :-p
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Idealism or Not?
This post might be my attempt to be "intellectual" or something like that, cuz I usually don't pen down such serious thoughts. Most of them are more about specific incidents and not about a general idea or concept.
But anyways, this incident got me thinking... has idealism finished its term. I mean is it passe? Or are we morally/socially so corrupt that we have no ideals, and any sort of moral/ethical act seems to be a burden on us.
Consider this... a student is caught cheating in an end semester examination and he's given an F grade (ie he is failed in that course) PLUS he is also given a "semester drop" (ie suspended for one whole semester)!! Don't you think that giving the F grade was punishment enough? I mean how many times are you supposed to punish a person for one act.
I probably feel that a semester drop is too big a punishment cuz I feel that cheating is not such a big crime. Probably that's cuz of the inherent level of corruption in me. I probably accept corruption to some level. It's like a de-facto standard. It's part of the system. Anyone not corrupt upto that level is a menace for the system.
For example, if, in an exam I ask my neighbour for help - and he denies it. He's breaking the system. I'll be displeased with him. Kya, behen chod, satyawadi harishchand bana firta hai! That's exactly what I'd say.
I won't come back from the examination and think, Fuck man, I was wrong - I should not have asked him for assistance during the exam! I'm certainly not going to do that!!
Now, where am I wrong. How many people can I (or you) find who do not cheat! Hell, I mean how many professors can "cross their hearts and hope to die" and swear that they did not cheat during their student days! What makes them take this path of rigid ideology once they earn their PhD's and become professors. I'm sure even during their PhD thesis they must've machaod some fraud
That somehow bring me back to my "intellectual" point - has ideology lived its life? Is it over? Is it dead?
What do you think?
But anyways, this incident got me thinking... has idealism finished its term. I mean is it passe? Or are we morally/socially so corrupt that we have no ideals, and any sort of moral/ethical act seems to be a burden on us.
Consider this... a student is caught cheating in an end semester examination and he's given an F grade (ie he is failed in that course) PLUS he is also given a "semester drop" (ie suspended for one whole semester)!! Don't you think that giving the F grade was punishment enough? I mean how many times are you supposed to punish a person for one act.
I probably feel that a semester drop is too big a punishment cuz I feel that cheating is not such a big crime. Probably that's cuz of the inherent level of corruption in me. I probably accept corruption to some level. It's like a de-facto standard. It's part of the system. Anyone not corrupt upto that level is a menace for the system.
For example, if, in an exam I ask my neighbour for help - and he denies it. He's breaking the system. I'll be displeased with him. Kya, behen chod, satyawadi harishchand bana firta hai! That's exactly what I'd say.
I won't come back from the examination and think, Fuck man, I was wrong - I should not have asked him for assistance during the exam! I'm certainly not going to do that!!
Now, where am I wrong. How many people can I (or you) find who do not cheat! Hell, I mean how many professors can "cross their hearts and hope to die" and swear that they did not cheat during their student days! What makes them take this path of rigid ideology once they earn their PhD's and become professors. I'm sure even during their PhD thesis they must've machaod some fraud
That somehow bring me back to my "intellectual" point - has ideology lived its life? Is it over? Is it dead?
What do you think?
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