A Punjabi Wedding: Chapter 2 - Mehndi and Sangeet

This is the third post in a series of posts.

Mehndi and Sangeet, Tuesday
We were all gathered around a table gobbling up yummy jalebis topped with rabri after the cocktail party when my cousin's father prepared ground for the Mehndi and Sangeet:

Cousin's Father (CF): Aur beta tum sai baba ke keertan pe kyu nahin aaye?
Random aunty from our side: Uncle, ab woh keertan mein to nahin aayega!
Me: [Foolish grin]
CF: Kyon wahaan pe DJ nahin tha isliye? [chuckling]
CF: Arre wahaan par alag type ka DJ tha...
Random people from our side: Ha ha ha ha!
Cousin's Sister (CS): You're coming for the mehndi and sangeet tomorrow, na?
Me: Mehndi and Sangeet... isn't that supposed to be a ladies' function?
CS: Arre nahin - everyone will be attending it. It's not a females only affair.
Me: Where is it?
CS: At our place. They will have it at their place?
Me: Will (bride's name) be there?
CS: No, no - they will have mehndi and sangeet at their place - it's a big function for them.
Me: [Sheepishly] Okay I'll be there.

So there you have it... Tuesday evening I was destined to attend a function called Mehndi and Sangeet at ladkewaalon ke yahaan par which was supposedly a unisex event.

As I had recently learnt Rule #2 of attending weddings, I was well prepared for this function. I was wearing a black shirt, corduroy pants (which I was basically reusing for the want of ironed trousers) and a coat!

And lest I forget, this brings us to some very important definitions

Mehndi: Henna is a dye found in hair coloring, that is also used in a temporary body art known as mehndi. It is made from the dried leaf and petiole of Lawsonia alba Lam. (Lawsonia inermis L.). The dye is traditionally found in India, Pakistan, Iran, and North Africa—as well as in expatriate communities from these countries.¹

Sangeet:Hindi word for music.

Raunak: The presence of a good DJ churning out non-stop punjabi and bhangra numbers (see Rule #4) . An open space called the dance floor with lot of people waving their arms wildly as if they had had a seizure of kinds.

Some example usages of Raunak...

Some buzurg comfortably seated in a corner overlooking the dance floor: Kinni raunak payi hui hai? (Loosely translated - look at the raunak these people have put up!)

Bride's/Bridegroom's father to people merrily gobbling up free food instead of doing the raunak thing: Yaar tussi loki koi raunak hi nahin payi hoi! Chalo yaar... thodi raunak pao! (Loose translation: Everybody get your ass on the dance floor!)

Random people discussing a ceremony after its over: Badi raunak si aaj! (Loose transaltion: There was a lot of raunak today)

Function (mathematics): A function is a relation, such that each element of a set is associated with a unique element of another set.

Function (computer science): A function is a sequence of code which performs a specific task, as part of a larger program, and is grouped as one or more statement blocks; such code is sometimes collected into software libraries.

Function (indian weddings): A collection of overdressed women (with about 10% of their body weight in jewelry and make-up) and men in business suits, getting together at either ladkewaalon ke yahaan par or ladkiwaalon ke yahaan par for just one of the umpteen wedding ceremonies. Abundance of raunak is a pre-requisite for a successful function.

So, as I entered the venue (which was my cousin's home) I saw that the cars had been removed from the driveway, which had neatly arranged chairs and matresses instead. The gathering was small with only the ladkewaale present. There were, however, two very important additions - the two paid-by-the-hour mehndiwaalas.

Now, I always wonder why didn't my mom send me to some summer classes to learn the art of mehndi lagaana... where else do you get to admire, decorate, and feel soft female hands - and get paid in the process! Lucky bastards!

So, as I was helping myself to a Bacardi Breezer the raunak started. The dance floor was the cleared out living room - and the DJ was a new Sony Hi-Fi system with a non-stop bhangra CD. I was again being pulled by my cousin's sister to the dance floor when a Sony handycam came to my rescue. And this brings me the Rule #5

Rule #5: You're either part of the raunak or you're the cameraman.

So there I was, with the handycam, capturing aunties dancing to Kajarare naina, interspersed with a daring uncle or two. When I had had enough of the dance floor I went outside to the capture the exquisite art of mehndi decoration.

I was comfortably seated next to the mehndiwaala, filming the way his hands glided stroke after stoke, each stroke adding to the lovely design on the auntie's palms. Before I knew it, the auntie was through and the next in line was a pretty young girl. As the girl folded her legs and applied a yucky smelling oil on her palms...

Pretty Young Thing (PYT): Have I seen you before?
Me: [Blood flow to the brain stops. Jaws fall open - possibly hitting the floor. Pulse rate - 120 bpm] Huh?
PYT: I've seen you before. You came for (cousin sister's name) wedding, right?
Me: [Blood flow resumes. Jaws back in place. Pulse rate - 100 bpm] No. Probably that's my brother you're talking about. I wasn't able to make it to the wedding.
PYT: Oh - that's what I was wondering - that you've changed so much. But both of you look so similar.
Me: [Foolish grin. Pulse rate - 80 bpm. Eureka! Switching on the handycam again - this time ditching the mehndi - focusing PYT's face] I'll videotape this - so that we have on record when we met.
PYT: [Giggling] What kind of video is this?
Me: [Supressing the sudden urge to crack a dirty joke. PYT's face in focus.] So what's your name?
PYT: (Her name)
Me: What? How do you know my cousin sister?
PYT: (Her name). I'm their neighbours.
Me: [Switching off the camera] Oh, so we have met before. Remeber we once went for a rain-dance party.
PYT: To the Gymkhana Club. You, me, (cousin), and (cousin's sister).
Me: Yes. But that was looong back.
[Sudden entry of villain]
Cousin's sister's husband (CSH): Are you through with this?
Me: Huh?
CSH: Agar yeh ho gaya ho to andar aakar sangeet ki recording kar lo.

So the rest of the evening was spent stuffing up on free food and free booze. And trying to explain a couple of inquisive uncles that Evalueserve was not a call center.

And no, today I was not part of the raunak - I was the cameraman.